Match Preview: England v Denmark

Who are we playing?
Denmark

Big game?
No, frankly. Although the players concerned will all be hoping to make the plane to Rio, we are at the sharp end of the club season now and for many this friendly is an unneeded distraction. Woy's squad selection hasn't exactly been innovative and it's doubtful he'll learn much from this. More of a game to put money in the FA's coffers.


Where are we playing?
Wembley Stadium, in Wembley, in London. Wembley is not the loveliest part of the UK, but they still decided to build the national stadium there, giving foreign visitors a less than sparkling impression of our fair nation. Unfortunately, paying for the stadium means that it's not economically viable for England to visit the provinces anymore, which is a crying shame.

Can I go?
Still some tickets last time we looked but we haven't been bombarded with emails begging us to go so we're assuming sales are healthy.

Easy to get to?
Driving and parking can be a pain and you know what those motorways can get like in midweek. If you are travelling from Birmingham, the train is probably your best bet, with direct trains from Moor Street to the Stadium, and trains back at 22:18, 22:50 or the last one at 23:17 if you fancy a cheeky couple of post match pints.


Can I watch it on the telly?
You can but with added Adrian Chiles as it's on itv. Lee "Charsima" Dixon will be on hand with the punditry.

A Great Dane

Apart from Hans Christian Andersen, Victor Borge, Helena Christensen, some dull crime dramas on BBC Four, Carlsberg Export, Brigitte Nielsen, Martin Laursen, Kent Nielsen, Jores Okore and Lego, what has Denmark ever done for us?
The bacon is delicious... and their Prime Minister's quite fit too.

Who's playing for us?
Adam Johnson has been in devastating form of late, so Roy hasn't picked him. Funny that. Roy has picked a large squad, far larger than he'll be allowed to take to Brazil so some of these lads are gonna have their little hearts broken soon. Phil Jagielka is ruled out of this one.

Goalkeepers: Fraser Forster (Celtic), Ben Foster (West Bromwich Albion), Joe Hart (Manchester City), John Ruddy (Norwich City).

Defenders: Leighton Baines (Everton), Gary Cahill (Chelsea), Steven Caulker (Cardiff City), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Glen Johnson (Liverpool), Luke Shaw (Southampton), Chris Smalling (Manchester United), Kyle Walker (Tottenham Hotspur).

Midfielders: Ross Barkley (Everton), Michael Carrick (Manchester United), Tom Cleverley (Manchester United), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Jordan Henderson (Liverpool), Adam Lallana (Southampton), Frank Lampard (Chelsea), James Milner (Manchester City), Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain (Arsenal), Raheem Sterling (Liverpool), Andros Townsend (Tottenham Hotspur), Jack Wilshere (Arsenal).

Forwards: Jermain Defoe (Toronto FC), Rickie Lambert (Southampton), Jay Rodriguez (Southampton), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United), Daniel Sturridge (Liverpool), Daniel Welbeck (Manchester United)

Who's playing for them?
Jonas Lössl - FC Midtjylland
Kasper Schmeichel - Leicester City FC

Kasper Schmeichel

Stephan Andersen - Go Ahead Eagles
Andreas Bjelland- Twente
Daniel Agger - Liverpool FC
Jesper L. Juelsgård - FC Midtjylland
Lars Jacobsen - FC København
Peter Ankersen  - Esbjerg fB
Simon Kjær - OSC Lille
Casper Sloth - AGF
Christian Eriksen - Tottenham Hotspur FC
Danny Olsen - AGF
Kasper Kusk - AaB
Niki Zimling - FSV Mainz 05
Thomas Delaney - FC København
Thomas Kahlenberg - Brøndby IF
William Kvist Jørgensen - Fulham FC
Emil Larsen - OB
Martin C. Braithwaite - Toulouse FC
Michael Krohn-Dehli - Celta de Vigo
Morten ''Duncan'' Rasmussen-  FC Midtjylland
Nicklas Bendtner - Arsenal FC

Any useless stats and info?
Of course, here you go:

• We've won 11 games against Denmark, lost 3 and drawn 4.

• Denmark first beat England in 1983, defeating Bobby Robson's side 1-0 at Wembley thanks to a penalty from Allan Simonsen.

• The Danes had to wait over 20 years for their next victory, running out 3-2 winners at Old Trafford in November 2003 thanks to a brace from Martin Jorgensen.

• The last meeting between the two teams saw England secure a 2-1 victory at the Parken Stadion, Copenhagen thanks to goals  from Aston Villa duo Darren Bent and Ashley Young.

Prediction:
An England win, raising false hopes and dreams for the summer.

Match Preview: Aston Villa v Norwich

Who are we playing?
Norwich City

Where are we playing?
Villa Park at the ludicrous time of 4.30pm (blame the Capital One Cup Final)

Can I go?
Tickets on general sale so yes, you can indeed.

Can I watch it live on the telly?
You certainly can if you (or your pub of choice) have the delights of Sky Sports who are screening the game after said cup final.

Big game?

Massive! Six Pointer!

Newcastle's last gasp winner has only increased the jitters amongst the Villa Park faithful with a tirade of vitriolic rage spewing across social media and local radio against Lambert and his tactics. Ironically, in terms of performance it was one of our better displays (miles better than the one at Southampton in which we squeaked a win) and were Benteke not still in search of his missing mojo, we'd have won up in Geordieland.

Delia Smith as you've never seen her before

The limitations of Lambert's squad were starkly shown up though when the hapless Sylla was called upon to replace what had been a highly effective Ashley Westwood.

Norwich managed to make those jitters worse a few hours later with an impressive and deserved win over a Spurs side hampered with the curse of the Europa League.

Villa wins are rapidly becoming as rare as hen's teeth and home ones markedly so, therefore it's vital that Lambert gets all three points here. It's also vital that whether we play brilliantly or we struggle, the crowd stays right behind the lads for the duration of the game. Hold your derision till the final whistle.

Never think that your contribution makes no difference, it absolutely does.

Let's just hope that Delia is swigging the cooking sherry and not the champagne on Sunday night.

Come on Myleene, Too-Rye-Ay

Do Norwich City have any famous fans?
Well there's Stephen Fry off of QI, annoying yapping puppy of a TV presenter Jake Humphrey from BT(Bloody Terrible) Sport and Myleene Klass who used to be in a pop group with her off of Coronation Street.

We've got Ian Bell.

So we win.



Who's playing for us?
Rumours out of Denmark on Sunday suggested that Jores Okore was a lot closer to a comeback than we'd been lead to believe but we'll take that one with a pinch of salt.

As ever Lambert will want to play his team availability close to the chest but there must be worries over the substituted Ashley Westwood and Ryan Bertrand while never-out-of-the-wars Nathan Baker also took a hefty knock.

We're convinced that out-of-sorts Benteke would have been rested again had Libor Kozak still been available and it'll be interesting to see whether Grant Holt gets the chance to start against his old club. Andi Weimann's unfocused performance must make him a prime candidate for the drop.

Who's playing for them?
Villa target Wes Hoolahan made a rare cameo late on in the Spurs game. Sod's law would indicate that he'll make a small but telling appearance in this one. let's hope not eh?

Snodgrass wasn't just the goalscorer but also the key man in Norwich's win over Spurs so we'll have to keep an eye on him.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Villa's first meeting with Norwich was on the 19th December 1936 and we ran out 3-0 winners with the legendary Frank Broome getting on the scoresheet.

• We have 28 wins to Norwich's 17. There have been 16 draws between the clubs.

• Norwich's last win at Villa Park was way back in 1992. They ran out 3-2 winners with Darren Beckford among the scorers. Ray Houghton and Dean Saunders got the Villa goals.

• In 1984, Villa gained revenge over Norwich, having been knocked out of the FA Cup by them in a replay, Villa returned to Norfolk a few days later to win a Milk Cup Quarter Final clash 2-0 with Paul Rideout and Gary Shaw getting the goals.

He said, She said...

“We are conscious of the fact we are not scoring enough goals. Certainly confidence comes into play and a level of composure and maybe even a touch of good fortune. We are buoyed by the fact we are creating chances, but we need to put a higher percentage away. There is nobody working harder than myself and the coaches to remedy that"  Chris Hughton


“Unless it’s Birmingham or West Brom, where it’s a big game for the fans, there’s no rivalry.They’re Norwich, they’re a million miles away from us in the country so it’s just another game for us.” Ashley Westwood

Prediction
One swallow doesn't make a summer and Norwich's shock success against Spurs shouldn't worry us. Going for 4-2 Villa victory in a game to rival the one against the Baggies.

Match Report: Newcastle 1 Villa 0 as it was tweeted

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Match Preview: Newcastle v Aston Villa

I'm Free: Alan Pardew does his John Inman impression

Who are we playing?
Newcastle United

Where are we playing?
St James' Park, Sunday 1.30pm

Can I go?
Tickets on general sale at a very reasonable £27 a shot and free coach travel was available for people who got in early enough. The away section is really high up so take your binoculars and an oxygen tank if you're going.

Can I watch it live on the telly?
You certainly can if you (or your pub of choice) have the delights of Sky Sports who are screening the game as part of Super Sunday.

Big game?

Will the McMahons turn Newcastle upside down?

Massive!

Newcastle have really struggled of late. Unlikely as it sounds they've really been on the down slope since Joe Kinnear left, though it's highly unlikely that two things are related. Geordies tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves (as you'll know if saw them looking distraught on Witton Lane after we'd relegated them) and they booed Pardew's men off after the last home game.

If we can bomb at them early doors and pinch an early lead, the mood in the ground could work massively in our favour, so best to hope that we employ our Anfield tactics rather than those used by Lambert at Goodison.

Meanwhile, much fun has been had at the prospect of WWE bigwig Vince McMahon taking over the reins at St. James' Park.

Newcastle fan Donna Air

Do Newcastle United have any famous fans?
Well there's Lewis out of ITV's po-faced detective drama Lewis. There's also Donna Air, a woman credited with asking Irish pop group The Corrs how they met!

We've got fiddle playing scruff Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Unless anyone picks up a pedalo injury or tweaks anything while playing golf out in Portugal, the squad should in theory be in the best place it's been in some time fitness-wise with only long term crocks Okore, Kozak and N'Zogbia out of contention, though we've absolutely no idea what the state of play with forgotten man Chris Herd is.

Key here will be whether Lambert continues to experiment with width, having been seemingly averse to it throughout his Villa tenure. Not sure how many starts Marc Albrighton can expect to make unless he can prove that he's not a one-trick pony.


Who's playing for them?
Some French players.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Villa's first meeting with Newcastle was on 16th February 1895 and we demolished them 7-1 to knock them out of the FA Cup. Charlie Athersmith, John Devey and William Dorrell all scored twice.

• The first meeting between the two clubs at St James' Park was on 1st October 1898; John Devey netted for Villa as we drew 1-1.

• Our last win over Newcastle was in April 2011 with James Collins grabbing the only goal. Only Gabby Agbonlahor remains from the players involved that day, though Clark and Albrighton were unused subs.

• Our last win at St James' Park was way back in 2005, Juan Pablo Angel put us ahead early doors and two late penalties from Gareth Barry gave us a 3-0 victory.

He said, She said...
'Any club that has a big fan base, especially at home they expect to win. When things are going against you then you can hear the grumblings. And sometimes, as a player, it can get to you. You have got to try to get their crowd against them.' Paul Lambert

“The performance against Spurs did not reflect this club and the side I pick to face Villa will reflect that.” Alan Pardew


Prediction
Going for a shock 3-0 Villa win if we get an early goal or a 2-0 Newcastle triumph if we don't.

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