Match Preview: Crystal Palace v Aston Villa

Gayle blows Villa's Christmas away

Who are we playing?
Crystal Palace, a team whose late winner at Villa Park wrecked our Christmas

Where are we playing?
The annoyingly located Selhurst Park at the unusual start time of 3.07pm on Saturday. This is part of a nationwide tribute to the victims of the Hillsborough tragedy, 25 years on.




Can I go?

Relegation dog fight

If you've not already snapped up your ticket, you can't. Sold Out.

Can I watch it live on the telly?
Not legally in the UK no, however there are plenty of pubs with dodgy dishes and dubious web streams if you've not got a ticket but are desperate to watch as it happens.

Big game?
MASSIVE.

Teams are trampling over each other in a bid to get away from the relegation trap door and Villa are getting stomped on in the stampede. Losing twice to the inept Fulham this season puts us right back in danger, a situation which could get worse if we lose to Palace in what is another genuine six pointer.

Nookie

Tony Pulis has made massive strides to turn the South London outfit from relegation certainties into an outfit capable of snatching the points off anyone on their day. The early season away form that has been the only saving grace in Villa's diabolical season is now a distant memory. We haven't managed an away win since New Years Day and that was against lowly struggling bottom of the pile Sunderland.

With Lambert's trump cards on the treatment/operating tables and the assembled squad he squandered Randy's money on exposed as being not good enough, the beleaguered Scot will need to pull a rabbit out of the hat here as calls for his head grow ever larger.

Palace fan Susanna Reid gets her leg over

Do Palace have any famous fans?
Quite a few as it goes. At least one Doctor Who and half of The Inbetweeners support the Eagles. There's also Modfather Paul Weller, Radio's Kid Jensen, Dancing Queen Suzanna off of breakfast telly and of course Nookie Bear.

We've got the Prime Minster (God help us).

Holt

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Difficult to work out who Lambert is going to play when he's not being straight with the media. He managed to get through an entire press conference last week in which he spoke at length about Benteke without mentioning the minor fact that his Belgian talisman was seriously injured. This particularly angered the local press boys who were left scrabbling for info when the news broke on Twitter.

We'd imagine Grant Holt has done enough to keep his place in the starting line-up, unless of course he's been devoured by a pack of wild hyenas and it's slipped Lambert's mind to mention it. Joe Bennett being subbed off early might mean his place is in jeopardy. Meanwhile, whisper it, but Tonev might be in line for a recall having lowered his shooting sights.

Who's playing for them?
We'd like to see little Barry Bannan but he seems to have gone off radar lately. Puncheon can dangerous on his day, so we're hoping forlornly that our defence don't give him space.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

Savo

• We have 16 wins over Place to their 9 wins. There have been 13 draws.

• We've never won a Premier League match against Crystal Palace at Selhurst Park.

• Our last league win over Palace was at Villa Park in 1998. A goal from Ian Taylor and two from Savo Milošević gave us a 3-1 victory, Matt Jansen scoring for the Eagles. It was at this game that the infamous "Hercules the Lion sacked for mauling Miss Aston Villa" incident occurred.

• Our last victory over Palace at Selhurst Park came in September 1980 thanks to a solitary goal from Gary Shaw.

• Our last victory at Selhurst Park was against Wimbledon in 1997. Goals from little Alan Wright and Savo secured the 2-0 success.

He said, She said...
"We respect every club in this league, we'll do that with Aston Villa on Saturday" Tony Pulis

Prediction
A thumping Palace win, mild humiliation  and another annoying post-match presser from Lambo.