Match Preview: Stoke v Villa

Who are we playing?
Stoke City FC

Where are we playing?
Britannia Stadium,

Stanley Matthews Way,
Stoke-on-Trent,
ST4 4EG.

Can I go?
Not unless you've already bagged a ticket, no. Away end sold out.

Easy to get to?
Easy by car, it's only Stoke innit. Come off the M6 at J15, get on the A500 and then the stadium is signposted. Piece of piss. If you get the train, it's a big yomp from the station but there's loads of buses o jump in a mini cab.

Can I watch it on telly?
Saturday 3 o'clocker so dodgy web sites and naughty pubs are your best best.

Big game?
Huge.

With Villa facing a terrifying run of fixtures in September/early October, it's beyond vital that we get some points on the board early doors.

Stoke will be hoping to continue their progress under Mark Hughes and will gutted if they don't win this one.

We've got to hope that Lambert can fashion his ragbag of ex-bomb squaders, cheapo signings and the shell-shocked remnants of last year's team into some sort of footballing force.

Hard to judge from pre-season games, but on the evidence of Groningen and Parma there is still much work to do.


Do Stoke have any famous fans?
Not really. There's people that used to be famous like squash playing Angela Smith, kinky Grandstand host Frank Bough and of course Nick "mentions Stoke City every second breath or at least it seems like that" Hancock and some darts players.

We've got the future King of England.

So we win


Who's playing for us?
Big question. Lambert has big decisions to make all over the pitch. We'd guess that Hutton and new boy Cissokho would play at full back with either Senderos or Okore partnering Vlaar. It would be a shock if Delph and Westside didn't get starts but other than that it would be pure guesswork as to who Lambert will pick.

We doubt he'll be bold enough to pick young Jack Grealish but he could well use the lad from the substitutes bench. We certainly don't think that Gabby and Weimann are automatic picks based on pre-season form.


Who's playing for them?
They've brought in the controversial Phil Bardsley and our old friend Steve Sidwell in the summer along with Bojan Krkic. We'll be looking forward to seeing our old pal Stephen Ireland if selected.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Stoke did the double over us last season, destroying us 4-1 at Villa Park in one of the lowest moments of the season. This was the first time Stoke had scored four goals away from home in the Premier League

• We've beaten Stoke on 50 occasions while they can boast 31 wins. There have been 30 draws.

• We've only once in competitive football at the Britannia, in April 2013, running out 3-1 winners in part thanks to a cracking goal from Matt Lowton

Prediction
We are boldly (or possibly insanely) going for Villa to rediscover their goal touch in this one, but for Stoke to take advantage of a rebuilt defence, still in the process of gelling. Going for a 3-3 draw