Match Preview: Aston Villa v Everton

by Dek Hogan 

Who are we playing?
Everton on Saturday 2nd May 2015

Where are we playing?
Villa Park

Can I go?
Cup fever means tickets are going quick so get in quick to bag your favourite spot.

Easy to get to?
Doddle.

Can I watch it on telly?
Sure you can watch on dodgy web streams and in some pubs but you really should get down the ground if you possibly can.

Everton have perked up of late

Big game?
Huge.

The decent performance against Manchester City was somewhat nullified by the fact that we gave away three soft goals. Brad Guzan's faux pas for City's first would be unforgivable at the best of times but given the perilous situation  we are in, that sort of laxness truly is professional suicide. Shay must have a shout at a Premier League start now.

Instant reaction from many at the "hole in the wall" error for City's second was directed at Richardson. Kieran is not in the best of form at the minute but technically he wasn't even part of the wall and it was Leandro Bacuna who completely bottled it. He needs to grow a pair or simply not form part of the wall.

We could argue too that Benteke should have had a penalty and Hart should have been sent off but Big Chris was straying offside on such a regular basis that the lino's flag probably went up purely from muscle memory.

After a string of decent performances away from Villa Park, the key now is to attempt to replicate some of that form at home. We need the Holte End to be buzzing and we desperately need EVERYONE to stay behind the team even if things start to go awry. The bellends that booed Richardson DURING THE GAME v QPR were doing nobody any favours. If you can't stay behind the team during these desperate last three home games, stay in the pub where you can't do any damage.

Forget the FA Cup for now, we've got three home games in which to roar our team to safety.

If we aren't safe by the time we face Burnley, pass the valium.

Everton have perked up of late - possibily as a result of not having to play in the tedious Europa League any more and will be no pushovers.

Ginge

Do Everton have any famous fans?
Well there is Lee Latchford Evans out of Steps and the ginger one out of Girls Aloud. Not to mention Joey Barton (so we won't).

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Despite the great performance against Manchester City, individual errors cost us dear. Gooooozaaaan, Sanchez, Bacuna and certainly Richardson wouldn't have many grounds on which to grumble if they were displaced.

Who's playing for them?
Gareth Barry has challenged his team-mates to extend their unbeaten run until the end of the season. it will not go down well AT ALL if he plays well or even scores....

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

Dennis

• Everton have beaten us 80 times while we have 79 wins. There have been 58 draws.

• We haven't beaten Everton at Villa Park (or at all) since August 2010. Luke Young got the solitary goal on that occasion.

• The 5th of November 1989 saw the most spectacular encounter between the sides. Villa ran out 6-2 winners that day.

• Our first ever meeting was in first season of the Football league in 1888. we won 2-1 with a brace from Dennis Hodgetts

Prediction
Going for a 3-2 Villa win.

Man City 3 Villa 2: The Key moments

by Dek Hogan

Villa fan? Fuck right off Cameron!

Match Preview: Man City v Aston Villa

Who are we playing?
Manchester City on Saturday 25th April at 5.30pm

Where are we playing?
Etihad Stadium, Ashton New Road, Manchester M11 3FF

Can I go?
You can if you managed to get yer sticky mitts on a ticket

Easy to get to?
Our method of choice has been train and then taxi, or it's a half hour yomp to the ground from Piccalilli station. Normally end up yomping back to the city centre after..

Can I watch it on telly?
Sky Sports

Big game?
Huge.

Manchester City's season has completely fallen to pieces and they'll be keen as mustard to get back on track here.

Or will they?

For all the undoubted talent in their squad, there seems to be a lack of esprit de coups of late. The summer will undoubtedly see a major revamp of their playing squad so how many of the prima-donnas on display tomorrow will actually give that much of a fuck.

Villa's lads will be on a high (no balloon jokes please) after last week's heroics at Wembley but Premier League survival is by no means a nailed on certainty and we have to strive for points in EVERY game until we get over the line.

Few would have thought we'd stand much of a chance in this game - even on an off day Citeh have the players to hurt any team - but we've got to battle for anything we can get at the moment.

Let's hope we are not brought down to earth with a bump.

Noel off of oasis

Do Man City boast any famous fans?
Well there's High Flying Noel out of Oasis

We've got heir to the throne the Duke of Cambridge.

So we win.

Senderos

Who's playing for us?
Remember Big Phil Senderos? Whatdaya mean, no? The Swiss lad is back as is Aly Cissokho if selected. We need a few defensive bodies with Baker injured yet again and Ciaran Clark out for the season. Chance Gabby might be back...


Who's playing for them?
David Silva is available after being given the all-clear following a facial injury.
Wilfried Bony and midfielder James Milner are also fit again but midfielder Samir Nasri has joined the casualty list with a groin problem.
Captain Vincent Kompany remains on the sidelineswhile defender Gael Clichy and striker Stevan Jovetic are also out.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

Bigger than me and you

• Man City have beaten us 68 times while we have 57 wins. There have been 41 draws.

• You have to go back to 28 April 2007 for our last win at their place. We won 2-0 that day with goals from John Carew and Shaun Maloney. 

• Our first ever meeting was on 21 Oct 1899. We won 2-1 thanks to goals from John Devey and Fred Wheldon

• Our biggest win over our opponent was a 7-1 success in December 1900. George Johnson was on fire that day with four goals. During his time at Aston Villa Johnson scored 47 goals in 110 appearances

Prediction
2-1 to them

FA Cup Semi Final Match Preview: Aston Villa v Liverpool

Who are we playing?
Liverpool on Sunday 19th April at 3.00pm

Where are we playing?
Wembley Stadium

Can I go?
Tickets sold out but there's always the odd spare floating about if you're bold enough to head down there without one. At least then you can soak up the pre-match atmosphere, even if you end up watching the game in a pub.

Easy to get to?
If you are mad enough to drive, best bet is to park away from Wembley and get the tube. Loads of coaches going, National Express do cheap deals for big footie matches and there's extra trains.

Can I watch it on telly?
BT Sport sadly.

You were at the Blackpool game, right?

Big game?
Meh...

It's a disgrace that the FA allow Premier League games to be scheduled in direct competition to both semi finals. They should be defending the integrity and importance of the competition and they simply aren't by allowing this.

Still if we win we get, er, a day out at Wembley...

You were at the Bournemouth game, right?

For us, getting to the final is a double edged sword. We are massively overdue for an FA Cup win but at the same time, we still have to fight for our lives to stay in the top flight. An FA Cup Final to look forward to (and not get injured for) would be an undoubted fillip but would also make that tricky climb to safety just that bit harder. Some players' minds are bound to wander. That's just human nature.

Mind you, when we were kids kicking a ball round the park, we dreamt of lifting the famous trophy at Wembley, not being delighted because we'd squeaked into 17th place.

You were at the Leicester game, right?

Whatever you think of Sherwood's tenure so far, it has - at the very least- been far more entertaining than the dross served up under Lambert. Many of us have questioned Tim's team selections and tactics, but to cut the guy a bit of slack, he has been severely hamstrung by injuries. Losing Ciaran Clark to ligament damage is a hammer blow (Who'd have thought we'd be thinking that a year ago) though Ron did look a bit more concrete and a bit less blancmange at Spurs.

Typical Liverpool fan

As underdog, this is virtually a free hit though. For a Liverpool who have largely disappointed after a last season's heroic failure, this is a massive deal. Champions League football is looking highly unlikely and Rodgers may well need to claim a bit of silverware to keep if not the supporters then the press off his back.

Do Liverpool have any famous fans?
A big hello to Jason Isaacs!

There's also Ian Beale off of EastEnders and controversial pop star Lana del Rey

We've got heir to the throne the Duke of Cambridge AND fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Injuries still an issue. Ciaran Clark is definitely a non-starter (could be a good while before we see him again). Gabby is struggling with a niggle which means he would be a big risk but Scott Sinclair is training again and knows where the goal is. If Liverpool are too wary of Big Chris Benteke, Scott may well get the space to be dangerous. Amidst rumours that he's not Sherwood's type of player, Ashley Westwood rejoins the squad.

Who's playing for them?
Sturridge is a big doubt. Steve Gerrard is available if selected.

John Cowan

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go (you might want to skip this bit):

• John Cowan scored twice and Charlie Athersmith got the other as we beat Liverpool 3-0 in our first ever FA Cup encounter in 1897

• We met Liverpool in the 1914 semi final at White Hart Lane. Liverpool won this one 2-0 with both goals from Jimmy Nicholl

Jinxed

• We didn't meet them in the cup again until a 4th Round encounter in 1967 at Anfield. Liverpool won 1-0 with Ian St John getting the goal

• Our next cup pairing with them was again at Anfield in 1985. A brace from Ian Rush and one from John Wark saw them through 3-0 in the 3rd Round clash.

• Three years later and a 4th Round match at Villa Park sees us go down 2-0 with goals from John Barnes and Peter Beardsley

• We wore the MASSIVELY JINXED "Brazilian style" away kit in the 1992 Quarter final at Anfield. We went down 1-0 to Liverpool thanks to a goal from Michael Thomas (though it was John Barnes cracking through ball that made it). Still rankles that defeat. 

• The last time Liverpool played Villa in the FA Cup was the semi-final in 1996, when the Reds won 3-0 at Old Trafford thanks to goals from Robbie Fowler (2) and Jason McAteer after the cheating bastards crocked Gareth Southgate early doors

Prediction
Penalties

Match Preview: Spurs v Villa

Who are we playing?
Tottenham Hotspur on Saturday 11th April at 3.00pm

Where are we playing?
White Hart Lane

Can I go?
Still a few tickets left on general sale at time of writing though the Upper Tier has sold out

Easy to get to?
Bit of a hike from the tube...

Can I watch it on telly?
Not officially screened in the UK so dodgy web streams and pubs with overseas satellite systems are your best bet.

Big game?
Huge.

Failure to beat QPR leaves us sweating and with Spurs not exactly pulling up trees at the minute, we must have a right go at this one.

There's a LOT of history between Spurs and Tim Sherwood and there's no way he'll want his charges to lie down and roll over at this one.

The big bonus from the Rangers game is that the Big Chris Benteke seems to have got his mojo back and it could well be his goals that save us.

Kieran Richardson was undoubtedly a liability in our last outing but those that chose to boo him while the game was still in progress need to take a good hard look at themselves. If you can't get behind the lads in such a vital game, what's the point in you being there? Thankfully there will be far fewer bellends in our away contingent.

Patsy

Do Spurs have any famous fans?
Well there's Radio 2's Simon Mayo, Neil Pearson the headmaster off of Waterloo Road and of course, sweet as the moment when the pod went pop, there's Patsy Kensit off the BirdsEye ads
in the 70s.

We've got heir to the throne the Duke of Cambridge.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Injuries still an issue and piling up with Carles Gil limping out of the Under 21 match with wolves on Wednesday, though on the plus side, that game was a return to competitive action for Libor Kozak. Be very interesting to see what happens at left back after Richardson had a complete mare against QPR.


Who's playing for them?
Hugo Lloris is losing his race to recover from a knee injury in time to play and our old mate Kyle Walker is a big doubt.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Spurs have beaten us 69 times while we have 55 wins. There have been 35 draws.

• You have to go back to September 2008 for our last win at White Hart Lane. we won 2-1 that day with goals from Nigel Reo Coker and Ashley Young. Young Darren Bent scored theirs.

• Our first ever meeting with Spurs came at their place in the FA Cup in 1903. Jasper McLuckie score twice in our 3-2 away win.

Prediction
2-1 to them

Timbo frets over lengthening injury list

Westwood injured

Rosie's bloke injured

Tim Sherwood has bemoaned Villa's injury crisis at his pre-
match presser.

We face QPR on Tuesday fully aware than a QPR win would see the Londoners leapfrog us and send us plummeting into the Premier League's relegation zone.


Sherwood will have to cope without a string of key players.

Alan Hutton, Ashley Westwood and Scott Sinclair are defintely on the missing list, while Tom Cleverley, Aly Cissokho and Kieran Richardson are big doubts. Philippe Senderos is unlikely to feature, while Libor Kozak continues to recover from his broken leg.

Hutton out

Sherwood fears he will have to throw in some players who may not be ready.

He said: "I've never seen an injury crisis like it. I never thought I'd be one of those managers who moans about injuries but I have to.

"You get one back and lose another two. They're not trivial injuries, they're always two, three, four weeks. It's okay in September but not now. That's pretty much writing off the season.

Senderos unlikely

"It's something you have to get on with and hopefully there's light at the end of the tunnel.

"It's a case of seeing who can come in. A few are back from injury, medically, but physically, it's a need-must situation. Some of them will be risked."

Match Preview: Villa v QPR

Who are we playing?
Queens Park Rangers on Tuesday 7th April 2015

Where are we playing?
Villa Park

Can I go?
Loads of tickets available. If only people were as keen to attend this VITAL match as they are to go glory hunting at Wembley. Hopefully there will be a last minute rush because the crowd really can make a difference in matches like this.

Easy to get to?
Beware of over-running maintenance work if you are on the choo-choo.

Can I watch it on telly?
This was originally scheduled for telly but the move for FA Cup purposes means it's not now. Sure you can watch on dodgy web streams and in some pubs but you really should get down the ground if possibly can.

Big game?
Huge.

West Brom were fucking useless

QPR'S away form may have been dismal for most of the season but they suddenly hit form at The Hawthorns, demolishing Tony Pulis's West Brom 4-1. Fair enough, West Brom weren't really at the races but Rangers' goals were well worked and they certainly won't be the push-overs many of us were desperately hoping they'd be.

With away trips to Spurs and Man City looming, this match is our only realistic chance of a decent points return in the whole of April. Anything other than a win here is complete and utter disaster. Sherwood's selections are hailed as bold by many, but is there really any point in including some many forwards if there's no-one in the engine room to provide them with the ball?

We were certainly light in midfield in the first half of a Swansea game that we really needed something from.

Carles Gil

However, the bold formation he tried in the last two games may actually pay dividends in this one. The real issue is that we are struggling massively with injuries and it could easily be a case of if you're fit (or nearly fit) you play.

The big mystery concerns the invisibility of Carles Gil under the Timbo regime. Clearly something's gone on there.

Do QPR have any famous fans? 
Rumour has it that Wendy James out of Transvision Vamp is a QPR fan (ask your Granddad kids). It's also said that Shane Ritchie follows them so it must hurt like hell when they make him wear a West Ham scarf on Eastenders.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
“I’ve never known injuries like it. It’s unbelievable.” - Tim Sherwood.

Scott Sinclair and Ashley Westwood were badly missed at Old Trafford and are unlikely to feature here while Alan Hutton won't feature either. No guarantees that Aly Cissokho and Kieran Richardson will be ready either, so we're really struggling and more out-of-position shenanigans are unavoidable.

Who's playing for them?
Eduardo Vargas is buggered after suffering a knee injury during QPR’s 4-1 win at West Brom. Nico Krancjar replaced him in that game but Junior Hoilett will be pushing for a recall.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

Billy Walker

• QPR have beaten us 23 times while we have 18 wins. There have been 13 draws.

• QPR last won at Villa Park in a League Cup tie in 2008. Damion Stewart got the only goal.

• QPR have never won at Villa Park in the Premier League. The visitors last won in March 1992, when a Les Ferdinand strike secured a 1-0 win.

• Our first ever meeting was an FA Cup match in January 1920. We won 2-0 with a brace from Billy Walker on his Villa debut.

Prediction
Going for a 3-0 Villa win.

Match Report: Man United 3 - 1 Villa as it was tweeted

Match Preview: Man United v Villa

Who are we playing?
Manchester United on Easter Saturday at 3.00pm

Where are we playing?
Old Trafford, Sir Matt Busby Way, Manchester M16 0RA

Can I go?
They only give us a tiny allocation because they are scared of how loud we are...

Trains fucked

Easy to get to?
Well Manchester is. If you are getting the choo-choo (brave on a bank holiday weekend, beware the
replacement bus service), you can save a few shekels by splitting your tickets at Stoke. Always found getting back into the city centre after the game a bit of a bind. Our handy hint there is to have a couple of pints (problematic if you are wearing colours) while the crowds die down unless you enjoy queuing for trams or fighting over taxis. Manchester Victoria station will be closed

Can I watch it on telly?
Not officially screened in the UK so dodgy web streams and pubs with overseas satellite systems are your best bet.

Big game?
Huge.

Some people are talking about this game as something of a free hit for Sherwood but given Villa's perilous position, there's no such thing any more. We need to beg, steal or borrow points to preserve our Premier League status and should attempt to win this one whole heartedly, no matter how unlikely that may seem.

The issue with that of course is that the MASSIVE Queens Park Rangers game takes place a few short days later. The international break might have helped but Tim can't relish the prospect of two games in four days with an ever dwindling band of fit players to choose from.

Rachel getting wet

He must also keep focused with the looming Wembley semi-final an undoubted distraction for fans and players alike.

Manchester United under Van Gaal had been gathering points without looking particularly impressive but of late the quality of the performances has begun to match the points haul. The team is still very much developing but things are going in the right direction and the United faithful will expect nothing less than three points and they strive to return to kerching kerching world of the Champions League.

Do Manchester United have any famous fans?
Well there's potato-headed Steve McFadden who plays potato-headed Phil Mitchell in that EastEnders. There's also Rachel Riley off Countdown and her identical twin sister Lisa Riley who used to be a Dingle in Emmerdale Farm.

We've got heir to the throne the Duke of Cambridge.

So we win.

Remember Joe?

Who's playing for us?
Villa have been buoyed by the return to training of Ron Vlaar, Philippe Senderos, Tom Cleverley and Joe Cole although Clever Trousers is not eligible to play against his "parent" club. “A few of them are medically fit now but physically they are still a little bit behind,” Timbo said. “It’s up to me to decide whether to throw them in at Old Trafford or wait for the games coming up. There are a few more bodies out on the training field that’s for sure.”


Who's playing for them?
Smalling was crocked in the England  match. With Jonny Evans suspended and Luke Shaw recovering from a hamstring injury, Louis van Gaal could be forced to continue with midfielders Daley Blind and Antonio Valencia in the back four if neither Shaw nor Smalling returns.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

Gooooaaalll!!!!!

• Manchester United have beaten us 95 times while we have 49 wins (just one in the current century though) There have been 39 draws

• Out last win against United was at their place on 12 December 2009. Gabby Agbonlahor got the vital goal. Gabby is the only player from the starting line up that day to remain at the club.

• Joseph Walters ran riot with a hat trick as  Villa demolished United 7-1 on 26th February 1910

• Ashley Westwood gave us the lead in this fixture last season but the wheels soon fell off and we lost 4-1.

He said, she said...
"I took a Tottenham team there last season and won quite comfortably. Whether that can emulated again? I hope so." Tim Sherwood

Prediction
4-2 to them