Match Preview: Sunderland v Aston Villa

by Dek Hogan

Who are we playing?
Sunderland on Saturday 2nd January at 3.00pm

Where are we playing?
Stadium of Light,
Sunderland
SR5 1SU

Can I go? Tickets on general sale last time we looked at a bargain £19.

Trains are shite over Christmas

Easy to get to?
Trains tend to be useless around Christmas so your best bet is either the coach or a designated driver.

Can I watch it on telly
You'll need a stream or a pub with a dodgy dish.

Big game?
Huge.

Staying up has long seemed like a pipe dream but if we are going down (we are) we can at least try to avoid the indignity of finishing bottom of the heap.

Even that may prove to be beyond the hapless bunch of misfits currently masquerading as footballers at Aston Villa. The irritating thing is that for an all too brief spell at Newcastle and for prolonged periods of the West Ham game, there were signs that these boys can play.

Rémi Garde

You can use two games in three days as an excuse but was it really necessary to make so many changes after the game against the Hammers at least gave us some momentum?

Carles Gil surely did enough in the last home game to justify a place in the starting line up. Who did we get instead at Norwich? Kieran Fucking Richardson. It just makes no sort of sense.

Ciaran Clark came back and promptly found the woeful form that saw him so derided in the Lambert era, while returning captain Micah Richards looked like he's been taking coaching from the Chuckle Brothers.

It was obvious almost from the get-go at Carrow Road that we were to get no repetition of the heroics of Boxing Day, despite the fact that Norwich looked hesitant and nervous early doors. That the Canaries grew in confidence as the game went on was testament to just how poor we were and indeed are.

Has there been a worse Villa side than this? Certainly not for decades.

Big Sam

The opposition aren't exactly having a great time of it either, despite parachuting in Big Sam in a last gasp attempt to hang on to Premier League status after years of escaping by the skin of their teeth.

You have to go back to October to find the Black Cats last win but then you have to go back to August for ours and we all know that if a team needs to end a bad run, they can do it against the Villa.

Do Sunderland boast any famous fans?
Well, there's Kevin Macguire from the Daily Mirror and Lauren Laverne off the the (DAB) radio.

We've got David Bradley off of films and the telly.

So we win.

Clogger

Who's playing for us?
Sanchez's hamstring continues to keep him out. Okore may be fit if he can force his way back into the team. If we go for it, we can win this game. However if he's true to form, Garde will continue to select cloggers ahead of players with a bit of skill and imagination.

The biggest miss will be Jordan Ayew who is suspended. Also banned is Ashley Westwood so Garde may have little option but to go more positive in midfield. We can only live in hope.

Who's playing for them?
Allardyce has problems at the back with Sebastian Coates a doubt after hobbling off against Liverpool.

With Younes Kaboul's hamstring ruling him out,  Big Sam will crossing his fingers that captain John O'Shea can return, but midfielder Jack Rodwell (hamstring) is set to miss to miss out.


Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• We have 81 wins over the Black Cats while they have 54 victories. There have been 46 draws

• Sunderland haven't beaten us at the Stadium of Light since October 2010. Even on that occasion, they relied on an own goal from Richard Dunne to nab all three points.

• Villa have won on the last three trips to Sunderland, putting four past Sunderland last season, two each for Big Chris Benteke and Gabby Agbonlahor.

Prediction
A 2-0 victory to Sunderland

Match Preview: Norwich City v Aston Villa

by Dek Hogan

Who are we playing?
Norwich on Monday 28th December at 3.00pm

Where are we playing?
Carrow Road, 

Norwich

NR1 1JE

Delia's finger makes her feelings clear

Can I go? Allocation: 1,564 Sold out.

Easy to get to?
Trains are notoriously shite over Christmas so your best bet is either the coach or a designated driver.

Can I watch it on telly
You'll need a stream or a pub with a dodgy dish.

Ayew on the spot

Big game?
Huge.

True, we faced a very poor team in West Ham United but we battered them for much of the game. the second half performance igniting the passion of the Holte End as wave after wave of Villa attacks put the Irons right on the back foot.

Crocked

The telling point though is that we were unable to convert our dominance into three points. We are desperate for at least one natural goalscorer.

Still, it has to be said that Garde's Villa side did manage to prove entertainment rather than the despair we've grown used to and the fact that we failed to nab all the points only really matters if you still think we've got a cat in hell's chance of staying up.

Boxing Day was just good enough to give the dwindling band of optimists something to cling to, which could turn out to be quite cruel.

A telling point was that it took an injury to Sanchez to force Garde's hand and introduce the creativity and movement of Carles Gil.

Still, the only thing we can do is take each game as it comes.

Typical Norwich fan

Norwich up next and the high they'd have been on having beaten Manchester United will have been more than flattened after they were trounced at White Hart Lane.

Make no mistake, the Canaries will fight for everything in this one, so we'll have to too.

Do Norwich boast any famous fans?
Well, there's Stephen Fry, Delia of course and Myleene Klass off of Popstars

We've got athlete and Fighting Talk legend Katherine Merry.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Two games in three days means Garde may have to ring the changes in what will be a hard fought encounter. If Carles Gil hasn't done enough to earn a recall to the starting line-up, he may as well pack up and go home.

The conundrum is who to play up front. Persist with Rudy Gestede or give Scottie Sinclair another chance to prove he knows where the goal is. For all the bad press the French players have had, Jordan Veretout seems to grow in confidence and stature with every game.

Ain't that a kick in the head?

Carlos Sanchez definitely misses out with a hamstring injury.

Who's playing for them
Former Villa target Wes Hoolahan and Gary O'Neil are both expected to return.

Hoolahan and O'Neil were both rested for the trip to Spurs on Boxing Day, while Andre Wisdom is hoping to overcome a hamstring strain.




Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• We have 29 victories over the Canaries while they have 17 wins over us, There have been 16 draws.

• Norwich City last beat us in May 2012. Managed by a certain Paul Lambert, they ran out 2-0 winners at Carrow Road. It was Alex McLeish's last game in charge of the Villa.

• Villa won the 1975 League Cup with a 1-0 win over Norwich. Ray Graydon's penalty was saved but he slotted home the rebound.

Prediction

Villa run out surprise 2-1 winners

Match Preview: Villa v West Ham United

by Dek Hogan 

Who are we playing?
West Ham on Boxing Day at 3pm

Where are we playing?
Villa Park, you may know where it is, but security will still be tight so advice is to get there early. You wouldn't want to miss any Villa Park excitement now would you?

Can I go?
Yep, tickets still on sale but don't leave it too long if you want to bag your favourite spot. Might be worth checking your season ticket holding mates are going first though. Quite a few people are finding other distractions on Boxing Day rather than let the worst team in Premier League history spoil their Christmas.

Easy to get to?
Careful driving if you've had a few the night before. Sunday service buses which stop at 7pm and trains are normally appalling or non-existent on Boxing Day.

Can I watch it on telly?
Dodgy stream or pub with a foreign dish if you can't be arsed to struggle down to the game.

Big game?

We haven't won at Villa Park all season, which is a ludicrous state of affairs. In case of fact, our last home victory was against West Ham and a pretty turgid affair that turned out to be too.

West Ham aren't exactly flying high or brimming with confidence at the moment, as anyone who witnessed their dull draw with Swansea on "Super Sunday" can testify.

This should be an excellent chance of three points and Garde needs that really badly because the jury is very much still out on him and if he goes much longer without a win, we'll be putting our black caps on.

We did play some half decent football of about ten minutes of the ninety up at Newcastle but we need to do it far more regularly and for much longer periods if we are to regain any pride.

Typical West Ham fan

As for survival, that ship truly has sailed. We'd have to hit a spell of form far better than anything we've managed since O'Neill left to have any sort of chance at all.

Meanwhile, Garde's team selections continue to perplex, with all flair being banished to the bench while workmanlike midfielders plod about on the pitch, passing either sideways, backwards or to the opposition.

Do West Ham have any famous fans?
Ray "Pleasures of the In-Play" Winstone and Keira Knightley off of them films where Johnny Depp plays Keith Richards.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy off of Radio 3.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?

Christmas Carroll

The fear is that Garde will go pretty much with the same line-up and he probably will. He might sacrifice one his midfield plodders for a bit more attack, given that we're at home, but he's more likely to recall Gestede than bring in flair from Adama, Grealish or Carles Gil.


Who's playing for them?
The Hammers are hoping to have Manuel Lanzini, Andy Carroll and Enner Valencia all available for the trip to Villa Park

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• In 1987, we thumped the Hammers 4-0 at Villa Park as we battled (ultimately unsuccessfully) relegation. Warren Aspinall got a brace and Simon Stainrod and Steve Hunt also got on the scoresheet.

• Our first ever meeting was in the FA Cup Second Round in 1913. We thumped them 5-0 that day, Harold Halse netting twice.

• We have 38 wins over West Ham while they have beaten us on 39 occassions. There have been 31 draws

Prediction
Going for a 1-3 West Ham win.

Discarded Villa left back dragged back from Portugal

Aston Villa have dragged Aly Cissokho back from his season-long loan spell at Porto, although he can't actually play until the transfer window opens.

With Jordan Amavi ruled out for the season, fans were hoping for a decent signing to bolster Villa's porous back line.

However Cissokho, who played under Villa boss Remi Garde at Lyon, hardly made a splash in Portugal making a paltry three appearances.

A regular last season under Paul Lambert, he fell out of favour when Tim Sherwood took the reins.

Match Preview: Newcastle United v Aston Villa

by Dek Hogan

Who are we playing?
Newcastle United on Saturday 19th December at 5.30 pm

Where are we playing?
St James' Park
Strawberry Place
Newcastle upon Tyne
NE1 4ST

Can I go? Tickets on general sale last time we looked at a reasonable £27. Take your binoculars.

Easy to get to?
Right in the middle of Newcastle. Easy to find. Loads of car parks.

Train station is a short stroll too.

Can I watch it on telly
Sky Sports. If you've not got it, you can get a day pass from NOW TV for £6.99.


Big game?
Huge

The Newcastle fans have never forgiven us for our end-of-season exuberance at Villa Park on the day they were last relegated and no doubt will be rubbing their hands with glee at our desperate situation.

A couple of weeks ago, we could have looked at this fixture as the light at the end of tunnel and a cracking chance at three points.

Villa just seem to get worse and worse under Garde as confidence has all but evaporated and we now face a
team that has deservedly won two on the bounce against what you'd call decent opposition in Liverpool and Spurs. The prospect of facing a team that hasn't won a match since August will hardly be filling them with dread.




Garde's failure to shuffle his pack after the disappointing showing at Southampton shows either that he's hoping a consistent team selection will suddenly click if he keeps picking the same faces or that he doesn't think he's got anything better.

We've certainly seen no new manager bounce effect and his media interviews are not exactly inspiring confidence either.

Obviously he sees a lot more than we see in training but now is surely the time to give players like Adama and Kozak a run because quite frankly, they can't do any worse than the players he's picking at the moment.

On paper, where's there's life there's hope and the ever dwindling band of optimists will tell you we can still escape. On the actual turf though, there has been precious little if any evidence to support this.

Even Houdini would struggle to get out of this one.

Do Newcastle boast any famous fans?
Well, there's Ant and Dec off of Up the Jungle and presumably some of the cast of Auf Wiedersehen Pet if they are still alive.

We've got David Bradley off of films and the telly.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Gabby seems to be persona non grata at the moment and his Villa days may well be numbered (assuming anyone else will take him). Can Garde really persist with Rudy Gestede? Micah Richards is a big doubt with his knee issue dragging on, though Ciaran Clark will be keen on a recall. Not sure where the goal threat is going to come from, though to be fair to Scott Sinclair, he is at least trying to make things happen.

Who's playing for them
Papiss Cisse and Luuk de Jong will be a threat while Georginio Gregion Emile Wijnaldum could cause us absolute havoc.




Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

Charlie

• Our first ever meeting was a 7-1 FA Cup win over them in 1895. Charlie Athersmith and John Devey grabbed a brace each.

• We haven't won at their place since 2005. There were fisticuffs between Lee Bowyer and Kieron Dyer as we ran out 3-0 winners helped by two late Gareth Barry penalties.

• Newcastle have beaten us 70 times while we have 55 wins. There have been 34 draws.

Prediction
3-0 to the home team, sadly.

Match Preview: Villa v Arsenal

by Dek Hogan 

Who are we playing?
Arsenal on Sunday 13th December 2015 at 1.30pm

Where are we playing?
Villa Park, you may know where it is, but security will still be tight so advice is to get there early. You wouldn't want to miss any Villa Park excitement now would you?

Can I go?
Yep, tickets still on sale but don't leave it too long if you want to bag your favourite spot. Might be worth checking your season ticket holding mates are going first though. People are so disenchanted at the minute that there may be a few going begging.

Easy to get to?
Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Despite the fact that Birmingham is chock-a-block with roadworks. The German Market is up and running if you fancy a weissbier or two on the way. Let's hope the trains are running properly.

Can I watch it on telly?
Sky which won't be as good now Gary Neville has buggered off to Spain.

Garde vs Wenger

Big game?
Free hit really.

No one in their right mind expects us to do anything but lose to Arsenal. However we've overcome the odds before (admittedly not this season) so who knows what is possible.

What we do know is that we haven't won a league game at Villa Park since early May, expectations are at an all time low and player confidence is not great either.

Arsenal will certainly be on a high having completed an unlikely run-in to secure their place in the knockout stages of the Champions League and they arrive with some key players getting back to fitness. If they are at the top of their game, we can expect a total pasting.

It doesn't always work out like that though. The first quarter of the Southampton game was a horror show in which - had they been in any sort of form - Southampton would normally have buried us. We survived that onslaught and even managed to take the lead, unlikely as it seemed at the time.

In fact, in the final analysis, despite our general inferiority, we only lost the game due to some schoolboy defending from Carlos Sanchez.

Certainly the improved performance gives Remi an conundrum with Clark available again and hopefully Richards (still struggling) too.

Do Arsenal have any famous fans?

Piers Fucking Morgan.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy off of Radio 3.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
God knows. Not sure Garde does. Kozak managed a couple more for the babbies the other night and it's hard to see how we'd be any worse off by giving him a go. After such a long time out, the man needs games if he's gonna get back to his best. Mad Jack is off the naughty step and will push for a recall.  Whether the returning Gabby can force his way into the side is an interesting one.


Who's playing for them?
Word is that Alexis Sanchez might be fit enough to play. Bugger. That lad knows where the goal is. Tomas Rosicky, Jack Wilshere, Francis Coquelin, Mikel Arteta, Santi Cazorla are all on sick notes.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• The least said about our last encounter with Arsenal the better.

• We haven't beaten Arsenal at Villa Park in the current century, our last win coming on the day parachuting Santa fell off the roof of the old Trinity Road Stand back in 1998

• We have 66 wins over Arsenal while they have beaten us on 80 occassions. There have been 45 draws

Prediction
Going for a 2-5 to Arsenal

Match Preview: Southampton v Villa

by Dek Hogan

Who are we playing?
Southampton on Saturday 5th December at 3pm

Where are we playing?
St Mary's Stadium
Britannia Road
Southampton
SO14 5FP

Can I go? Tickets on general sale last time we looked, though they didn't give us many.

Easy to get to?
From the M3 take the A33 into Southampton. Continue on the A33 until you hit the A3024 Northam Road and turn left onto this towards Northam. Then turn right onto the B3038, Britannia Road for the stadium. Parking is a bitch though.

Train station is about a mile and half from the ground, a half hour stroll or no time at all if you nab a cab

Can I watch it on telly
Saturday 3 o'clocker so you'll need a stream or a pub with a dodgy dish.

Big game?
Meh...

If you still believe that this ramshackle Villa team can claw their way out of the relegation mire, then this is a massive game.

The facts are that we are getting worse by the week, though some may say this is because Garde's new methods are going to take time to bed in.

Villa fans are still haunted by the 6-1 drubbing last season when we were destroyed in a matter of minutes. Many of us fear - particularly after Everton - that another such thrashing could well be on the cards.

It's probably clutching at straws now to believe that Adama or Lozak can come in and make all the difference, if they ever get selected.

The point is, the team has a losing mentality now and Watford demonstrated just how undisciplined they've become as a unit. Watford may have a half decent away record but even an average Villa side should have been able to take something from that fixture.

Even some of the blinkered optimists are talking about coming straight back up rather than surviving.

Perhaps planning for the Championship should start now.

Those pinning their hopes on a January spending spree should ask themselves two questions:

1. In our present predicament, who in their right mind would want to come?

Typical Southampton fan

2. Do you really trust the current regime to make decent signings or will they just carrying on squandering money on players who just aren't up to the job?

Do Southampton boast any famous fans?
Well, theres Craig David and Lucy Pinder but we're not even sure they qualify as famous anymore...

We've got David Bradley off of films and the telly.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Tricky to guess this one. This website was deeply critical of the way Tim Sherwood kept shuffling his pack. On paper, the side Garde picked to play Watford was arguably the strongest he's got but the performance was so disappointing that it really must be tempting to shake it up again.

It looks like Jack Grealish may be forced to continue his exile but Kozak netted for the Under 21s and you have to wonder just what we have to lose by giving him a try.  Similarly, for all this talk of Adama not being ready is piffle. He terrifies defenders when he's on the ball. It's hard to see how we can afford not to
throw him in.

Koeman

Who's playing for them
Shellshocked after a 6-1 drubbing in the League Cup by Liverpool, no doubt Ronald Koeman will want to make the odd change.




Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Our first ever meeting at St Mary's came in 2001. We triumphed 3-1 that day thanks to goals from George Boateng, Juan Pablo Angel and Mustapha Hadji. Dion Dublin was sent off but this was later rescinded by the FA.

• Our first ever encounter was a League Division Two clash in 1936. We ran out 4-0 victors thanks to goals from Dai Astley, Ronnie Dix, Gordon Hodgson and Frank Broome

• Southampton have beaten us 24 times while we have 28 wins. There have been 24 draws.

• Should we mention Sadio Mane? Best not eh?

Prediction
4-0 to them

Grealish dropped for Watford as Merson wades in to Garde

Former Aston Villa midfielder Paul Merson thinks manager Remi Garde should take some of the blame for Jack Grealish's partying after the defeat at Everton.

The 20-year-old player has been binned off by Garde for this weekend's match with Watford after his exploits in  a Manchester nightclub following the team's crushing 4-0 loss at Goodison Park last Saturday.

Garde said " 'It's not expected or professional. He won't be involved this weekend"

 "I blame Remi Garde, Grealish should have been on the bus home," Merson told Sky Sports News.

 "He knew that player wasn't going out for a meal, he should have told him that he had spoiled his weekend so he would spoil it for him too. 

"Remi Garde is cutting his nose off to spite his face, Grealish should have been fined two week's wages and told to prove himself. Villa need all their talented players on the pitch, Grealish could have been inspired to win those wages back in bonuses."

Match Preview: Villa v Watford

by Dek Hogan 

Who are we playing?
Watford on Saturday 28th November 2015 at 3.00pm

Bag searches

Where are we playing?
Villa Park, you may know where it is, but security is being tightened so club advice is to get there early. You wouldn't want to miss any Villa Park excitement now would you?  Bags will be searched.

Can I go?
Yep, tickets still on sale but don't leave it too long if you want to bag your favourite spot. might be worth checking your season ticket holding mates are going first though. People are so disenchanted at the minute that there may be a few going begging.

Easy to get to?
Doddle. Despite the fact that Birmingham is chock-a-block with roadworks. The German Market is up and running if you fancy a weissbier or two on the way.

Can I watch it on telly?
Saturday 3 o'clocker so you'll need a stream or a pub with a dodgy dish.

Not a left back

Big game?
Huge.

New manager bounce didn't take long to wear off did it? After what was an encouraging 0-0 against Man City, the wheels came off at Everton, not that surprisingly when you look at the players Garde brought back into the team.

Westwood, Grealish and Richardson? They aren't the answer unless the question is, do want to be effectively down before you've put the Christmas decorations away.

Lightweight

Maybe the Frenchman can turn things around but time is not a luxury he has on his side and the team he put out at Goodison looked like rabbits caught in the headlights.

There was certainly scant evidence that this group of players can show any sort of fight. It was truly pathetic.

Fight is exactly what Watford showed last weekend as they were unlucky to fall to defeat against a spawny United side.

You spin me right Round baby

Fully expect Watford to play without fear and take the game to us. They love away games this lot.

That's the really sad thing really. We are playing Watford in a must win game and you wouldn't risk your beer money backing us to win.

Meanwhile if Garde isn't allowed to pick his own backroom staff then what the the actual fuck is going on. There's something rotten at the heart of Villa right now.

Typical Watford fan

Do Watford have any famous fans?

There's Elton John, who used to sing a bit (probably still does) and bizarrely, we've seen Mila Kunis linked with club.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy off of Radio 3.

So we win.

Pull your socks up

Who's playing for us?
God knows. It genuinely looked like Garde knew what he was doing when picked a decent line up for the Man City game. It'll be intriguing to see who get the nod this time. Surely Sanchez should get the nod. We'd like to see Libor Kozak at least given a chance to impress, if only from the bench. Jack Grealish has allegedly been banished to train with the kids. That should help him grow up a bit.



Who's playing for them?
Dyed in the wool bluenose Troy Deeney is the one to watch out for. He'll be desperate to knock one in against us.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Watford have beaten us 5 times while we have 7 wins. There have been 5 draws.

• Watford's last win against us was back in October 1986 (our last relegation season). Despite goals from Mark Walters and Simon Stainrod, we went down 4-2.

• Our last win over them was nervy affair back in 2007. Many fans had already left before an own goal gave us the lead as the clock began to run out. Gabby got a second at the death for a 2-0 win

• Watford won our first two encounters in 1969 and we had to wait until 1982 before we took revenge at Villa Park. One goal from Peter Withe and a brace from Tony Morley saw us win 3-0.

Prediction
Going for a 1-2 to Watford.

Villa beefing up match day security

Villa are tightening security in the wake of the Paris attacks:

This includes

• Spot checks with metal detectors in the turnstile area 
• All bags will be searched 
• Spot checks on vehicles

Fans are asked to:

• ARRIVE NO LATER THAN 30 MINUTES BEFORE KICK OFF (2.30 PM FOR WATFORD) 
• IF ARRIVING BY CAR AND USING THE HOLTE OR NORTH STAND CAR PARKS, BRING YOUR CAR PARK PASS 
• APPROACH THE TURNSTILES WITH COATS, JACKETS ETC UNFASTENED AND OPEN