Match Preview: Villa v West Ham United

by Dek Hogan 

Who are we playing?
West Ham on Boxing Day at 3pm

Where are we playing?
Villa Park, you may know where it is, but security will still be tight so advice is to get there early. You wouldn't want to miss any Villa Park excitement now would you?

Can I go?
Yep, tickets still on sale but don't leave it too long if you want to bag your favourite spot. Might be worth checking your season ticket holding mates are going first though. Quite a few people are finding other distractions on Boxing Day rather than let the worst team in Premier League history spoil their Christmas.

Easy to get to?
Careful driving if you've had a few the night before. Sunday service buses which stop at 7pm and trains are normally appalling or non-existent on Boxing Day.

Can I watch it on telly?
Dodgy stream or pub with a foreign dish if you can't be arsed to struggle down to the game.

Big game?

We haven't won at Villa Park all season, which is a ludicrous state of affairs. In case of fact, our last home victory was against West Ham and a pretty turgid affair that turned out to be too.

West Ham aren't exactly flying high or brimming with confidence at the moment, as anyone who witnessed their dull draw with Swansea on "Super Sunday" can testify.

This should be an excellent chance of three points and Garde needs that really badly because the jury is very much still out on him and if he goes much longer without a win, we'll be putting our black caps on.

We did play some half decent football of about ten minutes of the ninety up at Newcastle but we need to do it far more regularly and for much longer periods if we are to regain any pride.

Typical West Ham fan

As for survival, that ship truly has sailed. We'd have to hit a spell of form far better than anything we've managed since O'Neill left to have any sort of chance at all.

Meanwhile, Garde's team selections continue to perplex, with all flair being banished to the bench while workmanlike midfielders plod about on the pitch, passing either sideways, backwards or to the opposition.

Do West Ham have any famous fans?
Ray "Pleasures of the In-Play" Winstone and Keira Knightley off of them films where Johnny Depp plays Keith Richards.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy off of Radio 3.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?

Christmas Carroll

The fear is that Garde will go pretty much with the same line-up and he probably will. He might sacrifice one his midfield plodders for a bit more attack, given that we're at home, but he's more likely to recall Gestede than bring in flair from Adama, Grealish or Carles Gil.


Who's playing for them?
The Hammers are hoping to have Manuel Lanzini, Andy Carroll and Enner Valencia all available for the trip to Villa Park

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• In 1987, we thumped the Hammers 4-0 at Villa Park as we battled (ultimately unsuccessfully) relegation. Warren Aspinall got a brace and Simon Stainrod and Steve Hunt also got on the scoresheet.

• Our first ever meeting was in the FA Cup Second Round in 1913. We thumped them 5-0 that day, Harold Halse netting twice.

• We have 38 wins over West Ham while they have beaten us on 39 occassions. There have been 31 draws

Prediction
Going for a 1-3 West Ham win.