Match Preview: Aston Villa v Burnley

by Dek Hogan 

We played like a bunch of girls last game

Who are we playing?
Burnley on Sunday 24th May 2015. Ordinarily, Sunday games are a ballache but if you are lucky enough to be off work on Bank Holiday Monday, you can treat it like a Saturday!

Where are we playing?
Villa Park

Trains are crap on Bank Holidays

Can I go?
SOLD OUT (but we reckon there will be a few returns, so it'll probably be worth a try later in the week if you are desperate).

Easy to get to?
Doddle. Bank Holiday weekend though, so the trains are usually buggered.

Can I watch it on telly?
Sure you can watch on dodgy web streams and in some pubs but you really should get down the ground if you possibly can.

Abject

Big game?
Not really.

With Villa now safe and Burnley doomed already, this is a typical end of season dead rubber.

However, the humiliation we suffered at the hands of Southampton means that we desperately need a decent performance before we take on the might of Arsenal at Wembley.

We wouldn't have blamed Tim Sherwood if he'd rested several key players for this one but after their utterly abject performance at St Mary's, they should be playing for their places now.

Hard to find praise for anyone in what was a totally unacceptable performance. Our captain went missing, Westside was lightweight, Zog and Clever Trousers anonymous. As for our back four, words fail me (Actually words don't fail me, most of the ones I could use contain four letters).

Burnley will no pushovers but if we play the way we did against Everton, we can go off to Wembley on a high.

Do Burnley have any famous fans?
Well there's Alistair Campbell, famous for the Iraq War and shit. There's also Chesney off of Corrie and of course John Kettley.

John Kettley is a weatherman.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.


Who's playing for us?
Gawd knows.

We're not entirely sure the Shay Given experiment has been a resounding success but dropping him a week before the Cup Final (in which he is surely entitled to start having played in every round) may not be the best of ideas.

Ron Vlaar can bugger off after that woeful showing against the Saints and Alan Hutton IS NOT A LEFT BACK.

Ginger Mourinho

Westwood would be lucky to keep his place and we'd certainly be looking to give Scottie Sinclair a run out in case we need him at Wembley.

Who's playing for them?
No doubt there will be a few who are hoping to get moves now that they've been relegated. Can't think of one I'd want to pinch, other than possibly Danny Ings


Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Burnley have beaten us 40 times while we have 49 wins. There have been 26 draws

• Our first ever match against Burnley was in the inaugural season of the Football League in 1888. We won 4-2 thanks to goals from Albert Allen, Archie Goodall, Tommy Green and Archie Hunter

• Our last Villa Park encounter with the Clarets was way back 2010. We won 5-2, Stewart Downing bagging himself a brace

• On 29th August 1925, we thumped Burnley 10-0. Len Capewell scored five goals and Billy Walker weighed in with a hat-trick.

Prediction
Going for a 3-0 Villa win.