Match Preview: West Ham v Villa

by Dek Hogan

Who are we playing?
West Ham United on Tuesday 2nd February at 7.45pm

Where are we playing?
Upton Park for the last time ever, otherwise known as the Boleyn Ground.

Can I go? Sold out which isn't bad for a February Tuesday night. Ticket prices were subsidised as part of the away fans initiative.

Easy to get to?
London, so no. A right pain usually.

Can I watch it on telly
BT Sport 1 if you've got it. Down the pub if not.

Rémi Garde

Big game?
Meh...

If you still believe in miracles then this game, indeed every bloody game until our fate is sealed, is absolutely vital.

We're doomed though so the best we can hope for realistically is we put in some sort of performance and pull something out of the bag.

Twonk

The West Ham we faced on Boxing Day looked piss poor to be honest and we probably should have taken all the points that day. Their team has looked a damn sight better in subsequent games though so it's to be assumed they were just choc full of Christmas goodies in the Villa Park encounter.

We were fucking terrible against Manchester City in the cup, having loads and loads of possession and not an earthly clue what to do with the ball. We shipped four goals, three of which were absolute gifts to the visitors, thanks to the bungling ineptitude of Bacuna and Gana.

If Gana must be so charitable, why not give a week's salary to Acorns. It's not like he's earned it.

Do West Ham boast any famous fans?
We are fighting the Hammers for custody of David Cameron. Let's hope we lose.

They've Ray "Pleasures of the In-Play" Winstone and Keira Knightly off of some films,

Typical West Ham fan and one of The Avengers

We've got the Duke of Cambridge.

So we win.

Gabby

Who's playing for us?
We are really struggling for strikers at the minute. Even bad ones. Gabby might even have a shout of a start. Things are that bad.

Gana might struggle to justify his place after a horror show in the cup but then you could say that about many of them.

Who's playing for them?
We'd imagine they'll be a few changes to the line up that drew 0-0 with Liverpool.

Any useless stats?

Of course, here you go:

• Our last win at their place was nearly five years ago now in April 2011. Gabby netted a last gasp goal to give us a 2-1 win and left the Hammers staring relegation in the face.

• We have 38 wins over them while they've beaten us on 39 occasions. There have been 32 draws

• There was drama in the FA Cup Quarter Final in 1980 as West Ham went through on a hotly disputed penalty after a "handball" by Ken McNaught

Prediction
A 2-2 draw.

Match Preview: FA Cup: Villa v Man City

by Dek Hogan 

Who are we playing?
Manchester City on Saturday 16th January at 5.30pm in the 4th round of the FA Cup.

Where are we playing?
Villa Park, you may know where it is.

Can I go?
Yep. Plenty of tickets left. Loads. Could be a disappointing crowd. Someone must have upset the customer base....

Easy to get to?
Dead easy, no problems anticipated. They didn't seem as rigorous with the pre-match searches last game either.

Can I watch it on telly?
There'll almost certainly be a stream but you's rather be there in the flesh surely?

Typical City fan

Big game?
Huge.

This cup is our last chance of silverware this season.

Unlikely?

Well you say that but then people were saying that last season yet we reached the final and had some fun getting there.

West Ham looms on the Tuesday following, giving Garde an excuse to rotate again. Manchester City approach this one sandwiched in between a semi-final and a a league match and will almost certainly field a weakened line up here.

Personally, I'd stick with the nucleus that had steadied the ship league recently and worry about the West Ham game when we get to it.

Noel from Oasis

Do Manchester City have any famous fans? 
Well there's Noel from Oasis

We've got the geezer that writes the Jack Reacher books.

So we win

Who's playing for us?

As discussed earlier, he may well choose to rotate and even blood a couple of the babbies, or give them a chance on the bench.

We'd certainly be better off with Bunn in goal than giving Guzan another opportunity to drop us in the clarts.

Twisty turny thing

Who's playing for them?
Fully expecting a second string. Don't forget your inflatable snake in case that two-faced, double dealing disingenuous back stabber gets a game.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• We first faced Manchester City in the cup in 1900, drawing 1-1 at their place and winning the replay 3-0, Billy Garraty netting twice.

• Our next cup meeting was at Villa Park in February 1910, losing 2-1.

• We met again in the tournament in 1915 at Hyde Road, Manchester, losing 1-0.

• Frank Broome was among the scorers in our 3-2 home victory in 1938.

• Earl Barrett made his final Villa appearance as we crashed out to City 1-0 at Maine Road.

• Darius Vassell scored against us a Man City triumphed 2-1 in a 5th Round replay in 2006.

• Our last FA Cup encounter saw us thumped 3-0 at their place in 2011

Prediction
Going for a 2-3 Man City win.

Senderos on his bike?

Te mereces lo mejor amigo! Te echaré de menos/ All the best my friend! @philsend4

A photo posted by Carles Gil (@carlesgil92) on Jan 27, 2016 at 9:02am PST

Match Preview: WBA v Aston Villa

by Dek Hogan

Who are we playing?
WBA on Saturday 23rd January at 3.00pm

Where are we playing?
The Hawthorns

Can I go? Sold out.

Easy to get to?
Dead easy on the choo choo or the tram. Apparently, it'll tough to get a drink around the ground, so tank up in town first.

Can I watch it on telly
You'll need a stream or a pub with a dodgy dish.

Rémi Garde

Big game?
Huge.

Let's ignore the horrible but ultimately fruitful game against Wycombe and look back on the previous two home games where the Villa team actually managed to give the opposition a game and grab four points in the process.

Those of you still clutching at straws will be desperately hoping for all three points. I'd settle for a committed performance for the entire 90 minutes which may well see us get a win as a consequence.

Tom Fox

The improvement in play has coincided with the team captain being benched and Libor Kozak finally being given a chance.

It seemed against Palace and Leicester that something was starting to click and it's a shame in a way that we chose to rotate in the cup game, providing a stutter in our growing momentum.

The key thing about the Leicester game was that our heads didn't drop when the Foxes took the lead. True fighting spirit has been sadly lacking this season, so it was nice to see that they can battle when they can be arsed.

Typical West Brom fan

What the team really needs right now is some fresh blood and experienced fresh blood at that. Sadly, the messages coming out of Tom Fox's mouth at the Supporters Trust seemed to drown any chance of us bringing in anyone halfway decent.

Do West Brom boast any famous fans?
Well, bizarrely, there's beloved tennis playing behemoth Goran Ivanisevic. There's also Cat Deeley, probably best known for the way her Brummie accent has started to fade away as she's slithered up the greasy pole of show business success.

While you're still imagining Cat slithering on a greasy pole, we'll point out that we've got bass guitarist Russell Leetch from popular group Editors.

So we win.

Hero

Who's playing for us?
We are hoping against hope that he goes back to the Palace & Leicester line up or at the very least something remarkably similar. Certainly want Bunn back between the sticks.

Young Jack was SO bad against Wycombe that it would be a surprise if he even made the bench. Young Lyden however, we'd like to see more of

Injury crisis

Who's playing for them?
Tony Pulis is really struggling with injuries with likes of Brunt, Morrison and Fletcher on the wounded list. Berahino may get a rare start if they haven't flogged him.




Any useless stats?

Bigger than me and you

Of course, here you go:

• Villa's rivalry with West Brom is one of the oldest in football, dating to an FA Cup tie in 1885. We drew 0-0 at our Wellington Road home before going down 3-0 in the replay at Four Acres.

• We gained sweet revenge two seasons later, beating the Baggies two-nil in the FA Cup Final at Kennington Oval.

• Our last win at their place was in 2008, Gabby and Big John Carew getting our goals in a 2-1 win.

Prediction
A 2-2 draw.

Match Preview: Villa v Leicester

by Dek Hogan 

Who are we playing?
Leicester City on Saturday 16th January at 5.30pm.

Where are we playing?
Villa Park, you may know where it is.

Can I go?
Yep. Plenty of tickets left.

Easy to get to?
Dead easy, unless you start drinking at your usual matchday time, in which case, you may be swaying a bit when you finally emerge from the pub.

Can I watch it on telly?
Sky Sports and loads of pubs, but come and watch the game in the flesh if you can. It's the best way to do it.

Big game?
Fairly.

It's certainly huge for Leicester City. If they want to remain genuine contenders for the league title then it's games like these they have to win and win well, because the teams they are jousting with for the big prize with certainly will.

Those Villa fans who still believe escape is possible will have been buoyed by Tuesday's narrow victory over Crystal Palace. Indeed even those of us who think the drop is inevitable but just hope we go down showing some fighting spirit were encouraged by what we saw.

After the debacles of Norwich and Sunderland and the acrimony and dissent at Wycombe, it was absolutely vital that Villa's players responded with a good performance and they certainly rewarded those of us who continue to offer our support with a valiant if unspectacular display.

It was key to note that captain Micah Richards and gum gobbing keeper Brad Guzan found themselves benched, though Guzan's masticating partner Lescott got a start and emerged from the night as an unlikely hero.

It would be too early to say that Garde has found a winning formula but the introduction of Libor Kozak made us a different proposition going forward. The lad clearly needs games to get his sharpness back but merely being able to hold the ball up enables the likes of Ayew and Gil to get into the game.

As for where the team is going, we'll have to see what ins and outs the window brings.

The jury is still out on Garde of course. The football purists amongst the Villa faithful will back him because he clearly wants to play some simple elegant football. The question is whether we can do that in the situation we are in. Some times, more guerrilla like tactics may be called for if we are going to either pull off a miraculous escape, or, more likely, fight our way out of Division Two.

Do Leicester have any famous fans? 
Well there's that jug earred goal hanger off of Match of the Day.

We've got the geezer that writes the Jack Reacher books.

So we win

Who's playing for us?

Carlos, Gabby and Jack are all fit. Wouldn't pick any of 'em at the minute. Best to keep as close to Tuesday's team as possible. It's about time we had a more settled side and the back of a win is an ideal opportunity to stay unchanged.

Who's playing for them?
Vardy may well play though carrying an injury which has curtailed his goal-scoring exploits in the last few weeks.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• We have 33 wins over Leicester while they have 41 victories over us. There have been 23 draws.

• Leicester's last league win at Villa Park was in December 2001. Ade Akinbiyi got on the scoresheet in a 2-0 victory.

• Our first ever meeting was an FA Cup tie in 1905. We won the first round encounter 5-1 thanks to two goals from Joe Bache and one a piece from Albert Hall, Ale Leake and Harry Hampton.

Prediction
Going for a 2-3 Leicester win.

Our new leader speaks: The words of Steve Hollis

Steve Hollis

"When Randy approached me last November, chairing one of the UK's best known football clubs was not, quite frankly, on my list of possible opportunities.

"As I have got to know Randy and spent more time with Tom Fox and Rémi Garde it has become increasingly clear that a strong Board that drives the necessary discipline and leadership will be at the core of the changes that are needed to overcome the under-performance Aston Villa has experienced over the last five years.

"As we have witnessed in the Premier League this year with other clubs - money no longer buys success. Randy has consistently provided financial backing no less so than last year. Our future success however lies in building a winning culture that is underpinned by a commitment to continuous improvement both on and off the pitch.

"The business of football is no different to any other business in this respect.

"We have the talent and great assets at Villa Park and Bodymoor Heath.

"The Club needs a shake up and with Randy's continued support the Board will look forward to working with Tom and Rémi to help drive the changes that our fans rightfully demand and that our city can be proud of."

Match Preview: Villa v Crystal Palace

by Dek Hogan 

Who are we playing?
Crystal Palace on Tuesday 12th January at 7.45pm. Start getting used to midweek fixtures. We'll have loads next season.


Where are we playing?
Villa Park, you may know where it is. Come down and join in the bickering, rage, misery and resigned pessimism. If the football doesn't float your boat, there's always the overpriced fizzy Carlsberg.

Can I go?
Yep. Fucking loads of tickets left.

Easy to get to?
Assuming you are on the right shift, then dead easy yeah. Those who want to stand outside the North Stand with the bed sheets are apparently waiting till Saturday (when it's not a school night).

Can I watch it on telly?
Dodgy stream or pub with a foreign dish if you can't be arsed to struggle down to the game.

Big game?
We haven't won at Villa Park all season, which remains a ludicrous state of affairs, although our last home game against the hapless Hammers was full of thrills and spills (compared to what we've been used to).

Unfortunately, we've had three soul destroying away performances since then, coinciding with reintroduction of our captain Micah Richards, who seems to switch off at key moments. Not an ideal attribute for a defensive player, who had, at one stage been one of the few "bright" points of the season. Those clamouring for him to play right back may have perhaps realised by now that he's forgotten how to do it. Bacuna had more of a clue and that's saying something.

This Aston Villa squad is now clearly broken beyond repair and all the shouting, swearing and name calling isn't gonna change that, however tempting it may be. It's not like you are gonna feel any better about the situation after you've called them a bunch of useless cunts.

Crystal Palace may have gained a filip from knocking Southampton out of the cup but they've gone three games without a win in the Premier League. Not the longest "bad run" in the world, but if you're on a bad run, best way to end it is to play the Villa. Actually, away from home, they've not lost in the league since going down at all-conquering Leicester City in October.

A Villa win over Place seems like a bit of a pipe dream at the moment. (a Villa win against St Winifred's School choir is probably too much to hope for just now) but we surely must have more chance in this one than we do against high flying Leicester.

We're down any way, so let's throw caution to the wind and attack, attack, attack. If we want to reunite the Villa faithful with the team then wave upon wave of Villa attack is the way to do it.

Typical Palace fan

If we HAVE to keep losing, let's lose 4-5 rather than 1-0.

Do Palace have any famous fans?
Well, there's Suzanne thingymabob off of ITV's breakfast telly. Neil Morrissey off of Boon is also a fan as is Kellie Shirley off of EastEnders.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy off of Radio 3.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?

Tricky. The Frenchman sort of rotated for the cup game but was so displeased with his team's performance at Wycombe that he may well wield the axe. We'd expect to see Jordans Ayew and Veretout back in the starting line-up to give us a bit of pep.


Who's playing for them?
Cabaye is probably the one to fear the most. He'll ease through our midfield like a hot knife through butter.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• We have 17 wins over Palace while they have 11 victories over us. There have been 14 draws.

• Our last league win over Palace at Villa Park was back in 1998. Ian Taylor scored in the opening minute and Savo netted twice, including a penalty. Matt Jansen scored Palace's consolation goal.

• Our first ever meeting was an FA Cup tie in 1913. We won the third round encounter 5-0 thanks a goal from Joe Bache and two a piece from Harold Halse and Clem Stephenson.

Prediction
Going for a 1-3 Palace win.

FA Cup Match Preview: Wycombe Wanderers v Aston Villa

by Dek Hogan

Who are we playing?
Wycombe Wanderers on Saturday 9th January at 12.45pm in the FA Cup Third Round.

Where are we playing?
Wycombe Wanderers Football Club Ltd
Adams Park
Hillbottom Road
High Wycombe
Bucks HP12 4HJ

on |BT

Can I go? 
Away allocation sold out

Easy to get to?
Chiltern run trains to High Wycombe at decent prices and are increasing capacity for the game.

Can I watch it on telly
BT Sport clearly hoping for a giant killing.

Big game?
Huge.

Or it would have been huge had the powers that be not decided to have a full Premier League programme in midweek.

Garde may have to rotate if he thinks he's got a cat in hell's chance of getting anything out of the Palace game on the Tuesday.

To be honest, those of us who think relegation is inevitable would probably go for playing our strongest line up in the cup game but the Frenchman can't be seen to be giving up on survival, however unlikely, so we'd expect fringe players to be given a chance in Bucks.

The FA Cup provided a great adventure last season and our success in the competition helped create a feelgood factor that no doubt played some small part in our survival in the Prem.

This time round, we already look worse than doomed in the league. Some would say going out of the cup is a good thing because we can focus on getting to safety. Straw clutching at best that.

Wycombe will see this as an ideal opportunity to take a major scalp and you just know they'll give it their all. The last two away games have shown precious little evidence of our team giving their all.

Do Wycombe boast any famous fans?
Well, there's Bill Turnbull from breakfast telly and that's about it.

We've got the bloke who writes the Jack Reacher books

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Injuries abound still. The real kick in the teeth is that Adama is out for three months or so with broken foot. Not good. We'd hope that Okore would be restored to the back line and why not give Libor a run out before he's sold off cheap. Hutton is almost certainly out and Gabby isn't ready.

Who's playing for them?
Some Wycombe players - like you've heard of them. Wycombe are going well in their league so they'll probably rotate too.


Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• We have 2 wins over Wycombe in competitive games, both in the League Cup. They've yet to beat us or claim a draw.

• We came from behind to smash Wycombe 8-3 at their place in 2005. Even Milan Baros scored.

• We last faced Wycombe in a pre season friendly in 2013, drawing 2-2 on that occasion

Prediction
A giant killing to put the Top Hat on a terrible season. 3-2 to Wanderers.