Match Preview: Villa v Crystal Palace

by Dek Hogan 

Who are we playing?
Crystal Palace on Tuesday 12th January at 7.45pm. Start getting used to midweek fixtures. We'll have loads next season.


Where are we playing?
Villa Park, you may know where it is. Come down and join in the bickering, rage, misery and resigned pessimism. If the football doesn't float your boat, there's always the overpriced fizzy Carlsberg.

Can I go?
Yep. Fucking loads of tickets left.

Easy to get to?
Assuming you are on the right shift, then dead easy yeah. Those who want to stand outside the North Stand with the bed sheets are apparently waiting till Saturday (when it's not a school night).

Can I watch it on telly?
Dodgy stream or pub with a foreign dish if you can't be arsed to struggle down to the game.

Big game?
We haven't won at Villa Park all season, which remains a ludicrous state of affairs, although our last home game against the hapless Hammers was full of thrills and spills (compared to what we've been used to).

Unfortunately, we've had three soul destroying away performances since then, coinciding with reintroduction of our captain Micah Richards, who seems to switch off at key moments. Not an ideal attribute for a defensive player, who had, at one stage been one of the few "bright" points of the season. Those clamouring for him to play right back may have perhaps realised by now that he's forgotten how to do it. Bacuna had more of a clue and that's saying something.

This Aston Villa squad is now clearly broken beyond repair and all the shouting, swearing and name calling isn't gonna change that, however tempting it may be. It's not like you are gonna feel any better about the situation after you've called them a bunch of useless cunts.

Crystal Palace may have gained a filip from knocking Southampton out of the cup but they've gone three games without a win in the Premier League. Not the longest "bad run" in the world, but if you're on a bad run, best way to end it is to play the Villa. Actually, away from home, they've not lost in the league since going down at all-conquering Leicester City in October.

A Villa win over Place seems like a bit of a pipe dream at the moment. (a Villa win against St Winifred's School choir is probably too much to hope for just now) but we surely must have more chance in this one than we do against high flying Leicester.

We're down any way, so let's throw caution to the wind and attack, attack, attack. If we want to reunite the Villa faithful with the team then wave upon wave of Villa attack is the way to do it.

Typical Palace fan

If we HAVE to keep losing, let's lose 4-5 rather than 1-0.

Do Palace have any famous fans?
Well, there's Suzanne thingymabob off of ITV's breakfast telly. Neil Morrissey off of Boon is also a fan as is Kellie Shirley off of EastEnders.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy off of Radio 3.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?

Tricky. The Frenchman sort of rotated for the cup game but was so displeased with his team's performance at Wycombe that he may well wield the axe. We'd expect to see Jordans Ayew and Veretout back in the starting line-up to give us a bit of pep.


Who's playing for them?
Cabaye is probably the one to fear the most. He'll ease through our midfield like a hot knife through butter.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• We have 17 wins over Palace while they have 11 victories over us. There have been 14 draws.

• Our last league win over Palace at Villa Park was back in 1998. Ian Taylor scored in the opening minute and Savo netted twice, including a penalty. Matt Jansen scored Palace's consolation goal.

• Our first ever meeting was an FA Cup tie in 1913. We won the third round encounter 5-0 thanks a goal from Joe Bache and two a piece from Harold Halse and Clem Stephenson.

Prediction
Going for a 1-3 Palace win.