John Gregory faces open heart surgery and quits Crawley Town

John Gregory OUT of Crawley Town. Dean Saunders replaces him. #avfc

— villamad.co.uk (@villamadtweets) December 27, 2014

Deano has taken over as interim manager and will be in charge for Sunday’s home game against Colchester

— villamad.co.uk (@villamadtweets) December 27, 2014

John Gregory is to undergo open-heart surgery at the start of January which will be followed by a long period of recuperation #avfc

— villamad.co.uk (@villamadtweets) December 27, 2014

Wishing John Gregory all the very best #avfc

— villamad.co.uk (@villamadtweets) December 27, 2014

Match Report Swansea 0-0 Aston Villa as it was tweeted

Match Preview: Aston Villa v Manchester United

Who are we playing?
Manchester United on Saturday 20th December at 3pm

Where are we playing?
Villa Park

Can I go?
Tickets remain available

Easy to get to?
Should be an absolute doddle, though the German Market and Christmas Shoppers can mean it's a bit hectic if you have to go through town.

Can I watch it on telly?
Saturday 3 o'clocker, so not officially available on UK telly, though there are plenty of web streams and loads of pubs will screen the game live.

Big game?
Huge.

Louis Van Gaal may have been criticised for failing to strengthen defensively when he spunked loads of cash on new players, but it's still early days for his version of United and he has a staggering array of attacking talent at his disposal.

Way too early to judge Van Gaal as yet but it's clear he has his team heading in the right direction and this despite being badly hampered by injuries.

Villa's mini-winning streak came to an end at The Hawthorns with a typically negative performance from Lambert's charges. The sending off of Richardson probably didn't help matters but a poor Albion team were there for the taking and until we went a goal behind, we didn't seem to be trying that hard.

Ten goals for sixteen games is a ludicrously poor state of affairs, but Lambert seems oblivious, still bandying the word "excellent" about while his team seem to lack any sort of creativity.

Benteke is being forced to feed off scraps and he deserves better.

We certainly do.

Do United have any famous fans? 
Well there's Simply Red's Mick Hucknall and Countdown brainbox Rachel Riley

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.




Who's playing for us?

Alan Hutton

Richardson's red card rules him out, Cleverley can't play as he is still on United's books (and he'd have missed the game due to suspension any way) while Alan Hutton is ruled out having chalked up five bookings.


Fabian Delph is a likely starter having returned from the bench while Ron Vlaar will hopeful of reinstatement to the the starting line up if he can dislodge the Okore-Clark partnership.



Who's playing for them?
United are praying that Marcos Rojo is fit in time with Daley Blind and Luke Shaw currently unavailable and Jonny Evans and Jones having just returned.

He said, She said
coming soon

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• United have beaten us 95 times while we have 49 wins. There have been 35 draws.

• 19 long years have passed since we beat United at Villa Park in a league match, a desperate state of affairs.Ian Taylor was amongst the Villa scorers as we ran out 3-1 winners in the infamous "You can't win anything with kids" game. David Beckham came off the bench to score United's consolation.

• Our last win against United was five years ago at Old Trafford, Gabby Agbonlahor with the only goal.

Prediction
Going for a 3-0 United win.

Match Report: West Brom 0-0 as it was tweeted

Match Report: Villa 2-1 Leicester as it was tweeted...

Match Preview: Leicester v Villa

Who are we playing?
Leicester on Monday 7th December at 4pm-ish

Where are we playing?
Villa Park

Can I go?
Despite us ending an 80 day run without a win, tickets are hardly flying off the shelves, plenty left.

Easy to get to?
Should be an absolute doddle, though the German Market and Christmas Shoppers can mean it's a bit hectic, even of a Sunday,  if you have to go through town.

Can I watch it on telly?
We are the feature game on Sky Sports Super Sunday. Yet bear in mind that if you choose to watch at home or in the pub, Paul Lambert won't be able to hear you when you tell him how shite he is.

Big game?
Huge.

We haven't won a home since the victory over a poor Hull City team. Leicester City got off to a decent start but have dropped like a stone in recent weeks.

If Lambert's men, whatever you think of his tactics, can't squeeze a win out of this one we as well all pack up and go home.

It was almost inevitable that Joe Cole would hobble off injured in the game following his lively display against Burnley and so it turned out.

Palace were camped in our half for large wodges of the midweek game and while some would take comfort in that there was some resolute defending on display, others would be more worried at our own lack of creavity and the ease with which Palace  ghosted past our full backs.

Luckily for us, there was no end product from the south London side and Big Chris Benteke was able to create a moment of magic to nick the points. Lack of goals remains a massive issue for us though.


Do the Foxes have any famous fans?
Well there's jug earred goal hanger and master of cringeworthy puns on Match of the Day, Gary Lineker.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.


Who's playing for us?
Joe Cole was subbed after just eight minutes during Tuesday's win at Crystal Palace and he is now set to miss the clash with rock-bottom Leicester as a result, although he could be fit for the trip to West Brom the following weekend.

Villa are also without defenders Ron Vlaar, Philippe Senderos (both calf) and Nathan Baker (knee) for Sunday's game but all three are close to coming back.

Midfielder Fabian Delph (shoulder) and striker Libor Kozak (broken leg) remain long-term absentees.


Who's playing for them?
Wes Morgan is suspended.

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Leicester have beaten us 39 times while we have 31 wins. There have been 23 draws.

• Last time we beat Leicester at Villa Park, it was October 2003. Substitute Thomas Der Hammer Hitzlsperger came on to nab the only goal.

• Our last meeting with the Foxes was back in September 2007, a Matt Fryatt goal being enough to knock us out of the Carling Cup.

• We've only managed 3 wins over bogey side Leicester in the Premier League era

Prediction
Going for a 2-0 Villa win and a goal at the Holte End.

Floodlight Robbery: Match Report: Crystal Palace 0-1 Aston Villa

INTERVIEW: Daniel Johnson Speaks Post Rochdale Win

Match Preview: Palace v Villa

Who are we playing?
Crystal Palace on Tuesday 2nd December at 8pm-ish

Where are we playing?
Selhurst Park, London, SE25 6PU

Can I go?
Last we heard, there were a few tickets left at £32 a pop

Easy to get to?
Post Code for SAT NAV: SE25 6PU.
If you are on the choo-choo, head for Thornton Heath


Can I watch it on telly?
Not selected by BT Sport so dodgy web streams and pubs with overseas satellite systems are your best bet. Highlights in Match of the Day on Wednesday.


Big game?
Huge.

Villa could and should have soundly beaten Burnley after a dominant first half display in which we played some nice pass and move football.

Trouble is Lambert's charges sat too deep in the second half and instead of building a commanding lead, sat on the solitary goal. You simply can't do that and hope to get away with it and it cost us the win. At the end Burnley could have nicked it.

Palace definitely see this as a six pointer and when they are on it, they capable of giving the best teams a run for their money. They'll certainly fancy their chances against us.

An away point won't be enough to please the Villa faithful, while defeat really drops us in the sweet and sticky.

Suzanna gets her legover

Do Palace have any famous fans?
Well there's Suzanna Reid off of breakfast telly, Roger de Courcey & Nookie Bear and a couple of the Inbetweeners

We've got heir to the throne the Duke of Cambridge.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Big Chris is due back which may give Lambert a selection headache, especially if he thinks Joe Cole is fit enough to start a game again so quickly. Gabby could well be the man lose out but Andi Weimann's not looking super sharp at the minute.

Who's playing for them?
Palace had a hard encounter with Swansea on Saturday so our old mate Neil Warnock may bring in some fresh legs.


Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Palace have beaten us 13 times while we have 16 wins. There have been 10 draws

• Our last win away at Palace was back in September 1980. Gary Shaw scored the only goal.

• Palace did the double over us last season thanks to two 1-0 victories. Dwight Gayle got the winner at Villa Park while Jason Puncheon was the match winner at their place

• In November 1994, Palace wrecked our defence of the League Cup, running out 4-1 winners. Future Villa player Gareth Southgate scored two.

Prediction
We think this will be 3-1 Palace

My Favourite Time of Year - The Florin Street Band (New Christmas Songs)

Match Report: Burnley 1-1 Villa as it was tweeted

Roy Keane quits Villa to spend more time with his ego...

Roy Keane is the latest rat to leave Villa's sinking ship, hot on the heels of Darren Bent who fled to Brighton yesterday.

“Roy came to me this morning and he informed me that, ultimately, the difficulty of combining both roles has prompted his decision, which I respect totally,” we were informed by Villa's useless but seemingly unsackable manager Paul Lambert.

Ireland haven't got another match for FOUR MONTHS, but weirdly, Keane felt he couldn't manage both roles. Keane previously quit ITV on the eve of the World Cup, no doubt because he couldn't face having to look at Adrian Chiles.

"Ultimately, my roles with Villa and Ireland and combining my commitment to these have become too much." said the sometime badger chinned Keane

"It isn't fair to either Villa or Ireland, so I've made this decision. I'd like to thank Paul for giving me a great opportunity to come to a brilliant football club, I've really enjoyed my experiences at Villa and I wish the management team, the players, the supporters and the club nothing but the best going forward."

Martin O'Neill Interview 28th November 2014 from Football Association of Ireland on Vimeo.

Goalshy Villa lend Darren Bent to Brighton

Brighton & Hove Albion have completed the signing of 30-year-old striker Darren Bent from Aston Villa on an initial month’s loan until the end of December. Villa have let the proven goalscorer out on loan despite the fact that they only managed six league goals all season.

Bent has spent this season as a rarely used substitute even Benteke has been missing through injury and suspension while Gabby Agbonlahor and Andi Weimann have been firing blanks.

The south coast outfit already have Villa's Joe Bennett and Gary Gardner as regulars in their first team.

London-born Bent passed a medical at the American Express Elite Football Performance Centre earlier today, before training with his new teammates ahead of Saturday’s game with Fulham.
 
Manager Sami Hyypia said, “We are delighted to welcome Darren to the club, and I hope he will score plenty of goals for us during his time with us.
 
“His record speaks for itself. He is a top-class striker with a more than 100 Premier League goals with Charlton, Spurs, Sunderland and Aston Villa.
 
“Three years ago he was a regular in the England squad under Fabio Capello; there is no doubting his ability to score goals."

Match Preview: Burnley v Aston Villa

Who are we playing?
Burnley on Saturday 29th November at 3pm

Where are we playing?
Turf Moor, Harry Potts Way, Burnley, Lancashire BB10 4BX

Can I go?
Last we heard, there were a few tickets left on general sale at £35 a pop


Easy to get to?
Get off the M6 at Junction 29 and jump on the M65. Hop off the M65 at Junction 10 and follow signs for Towneley Hall. You'll hit the ground eventually. It's about a 20 minute stroll from Burnley Central station.

Can I watch it on telly?
Saturday 3 o'clocker so not on the box but dodgy web streams and pubs with overseas satellite systems are your best bet.

Big game?
Huge.

Ings

Villa can't buy a win at the minute and are desperate to get some points on the board. There is absolutely no doubt that we will be mired in a relegation battle for the rest of the season. lost to Burnley and the situation starts to look desperate.

Trouble is, goal shy Villa are playing the Clarets at precisely the worst time. After a traumatic start to their season, Danny Ings has rediscovered his scoring and the Lancashire club has won two on the bounce, restoring some confidence.

Ironically, Burnley might provide a sterner test for the fledgling defensive partnership of Okore and Clark than Southampton managed to do, Saints strikers struggling for form in Monday's showdown.

Villa's army of travelling faithfully will be hoping to see at least a glimpse of creativity and attacking intent from their team. Frustratingly, we only managed one shot on target against the Saints and even that was a gift from their dodgy keeper.

John Kettley

Do Burnley have any famous fans?
Quite a few, there's Chesney off off Corrie, Alistair Campbell, cricketing legend James Anderson and John Kettley

John Kettley is a weatherman.

We've got Marc Baylis - the bloke that bumped off Tina in Corrie.

So we win.

Jores should get another start

Who's playing for us?
Big Chris is still on the missing list after getting himself sent off against Spurs and we are still missing Fabian Delph, Ron Vlaar and Phil Senderos to injury. We'd imagine that Lambo will be so pleased with the sterile display his charges put in on Monday that he will leave us unchanged.

Who's playing for them?
Danny Ings is the one you've heard of...



Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Burnley have beaten us 40 times while we have 49 wins. There have been 25 draws

• Our last win at Turf Moor was back in 12 September 1936. Gordon Hodgson and Frank Broome got the Villa goals

• Our last Premier League encounter with the Claret was way back 2010. We won 5-2, Stewart Downing bagging himself a brace

  

  Turf Moor back in the day

• Our first ever match against Burnley was in the inaugural season of the Football League in 1888. We won 4-2 thanks to goals from Albert Allen, Archie Goodall, Tommy Green and Archie Hunter

Prediction
We think this will be a 0-0 draw.

Brian Little channels his energies into Jersey

Villa legend Brian Little, has been installed as the Jersey FA's new Director of Football.

Little - a trophy winner with Villa as both a player and a manager - joins the JFA in the newly created role.

Little's position as Director of Football is funded by a local accountancy and investment management group.

"I have had a number of opportunities to return to football management, but the offers have not felt right, until I met with the JFA and this one arose. 

"The opportunity is really exciting for me and I am looking forward to getting started. I believe that I can add some real value to the JFA by using my knowledge and experience to take a look at what is happening in local football and I will be working with the executive to develop a long term strategy." – Brian Little

"During the process of interviewing for the Jersey Head Coach position, Ian Seddon, who is Brian’s representative, got in touch with us about how Brian would be able to get involved with the JFA.

"A key element of Brian’s role will be to promote Jersey football both within and outside the island with a view to raising its profile. We believe that, with Brian’s help, we will attract more sponsorship into the game and, using his connections, be able to put together a much improved games programme for all our representative sides." – Phil Austin

Match Preview: Villa v Southampton

Who are we playing?
Southampton on Monday 24th November at 8pm-ish

Where are we playing?
Villa Park

Can I go?
After one goal and one point from the last seven games, tickets will not be hard to come by.

Monday Night Football

Easy to get to?
Should be an absolute doddle, though the German Market and Christmas Shoppers can mean it's a bit hectic if you have to go through town.

Can I watch it on telly?
We are the feature game on Sky Sports Monday Night Football. Yet bear in mind that if you choose to watch at home or in the pub, the players can't hear you telling them how shite they are.

Ronald Fucking Koeman

Big game?
Huge.

After the summer exodus of players and manager, everyone expected Southampton to struggle this term but under determined Dutch legend Ronald Koeman his hastily assembled team, the club has positively flourished and sits proudly in the top four on merit.

The wheels have fallen off as far as Paul Lambert's Villa are concerned. Almost goalless and definitely winless since mid-September, the Villa midfield looks clueless more often than not when in possession, the forwards are firing blanks and the defence - though far better than last season - is still capable of pushing the self-destruct button.

Year after year after year of dire football at Villa Park and broken the spirit of the home crowd and the fire in the belly that used to typify the Villa faithful when things weren't going our way has been replaced apathy and seemingly acceptance that we aren't any good anymore

Craig David

Do Saints have any famous fans? 
Struggling here. There's Man About The House and Robin's Nest's Robin Tripp but he's a) fictional and b) from the seventies. There's also Craig David who may be real but probably doesn't qualify as famous anymore.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.


Who's playing for us?
With Delph out and Vlaar out, a glimpse of the future. Defensive options are running perilously short so it would give credence to scurrilous rumours surrounding Jores Okore if he has no involvement in this one.

No Benteke so we expect Lambert to plod on with the toothless Gabby/Weiman/N'Zogbia combination, ignoring the claims of Darren Bent and the youthful exuberance and creativity of Jack Grealish.

Pelle's Girlfriend

Carlos Sanchez made a few encouraging forward runs against West Ham but no doubt Paul Lambert has given him a bollocking for it and had any form incisive and attacking play coached out of him.

Who's playing for them?
Key dangers are Graziano Pelle who is scoring goals for fun and of course midfield dynamo Morgan Schneiderlin who ensures that Saints dominate the middle of park through both fair means and foul, though he's struggling with his groin.

He said, She said
“Jores is just coming back from an injury but he’s getting better. We have lost two experienced players who have been playing well.” Paul Lambert

"When we are winning in a game, we keep good organisation. It's important that you don't make stupid mistakes." Ronald Koeman

Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Southampton have beaten us 22 times while we have 28 wins. There have been 21 draws.

• Last time we beat Southampton at Villa Park, it was August 2004. Darius Vassell and on loan Carlton Cole scored in a 2-0 victory.

• Our first ever encounter with Saints was a Division Two clash in September 1936. We ran out 4-0 winners thanks to goals from Dai Astley, Ronnie Dix, Gordon Hodgson and Frank Broome.
  

• Struggling Villa pulled off an unlikely 3-2 win last season at St Mary's Stadium thanks to a cracking 89th minute winner from Fabian Delph.

Prediction
Going for a 3-0 Southampton win.

Daniel Johnson buggers off to Oldham

Oldham Athletic have signed midfielder Daniel Johnson from Aston Villa on an emergency loan until January 5, 2015.

The 22-year-old spent the first three months of the season with fellow League One side Chesterfield, facing Oldham in the 1-1 draw at the Proact Stadium.

Johnson made 11 appearances for the Spireites and won a Player of the Month award. He had previously had a relatively unsuccessful loan spell with Gary Johnson's Yeovil Town in 2012.

The youngster started out as a schoolboy with Crystal Palace before joining Aston Villa in 2009.

Johnson will wear the number 14 shirt for Latics and could make his debut during Saturday's home clash against John Gregory's Crawley Town.

Match Report: West Ham v Villa as it was tweeted

Villa snap up Ben Swift from Maidstone United

Maidstone United defender Ben Swift has agreed to sign for Aston Villa.

Swift, 17, has accepted Villa's offer of a six-month scholarship which could lead to a professional contract.

Liverpool, Leicester City and West Bromwich Albion have been sniffing around Swift but having already trained with Villa and played three games for their under-18 side, he plumped to return to Bodymoor Heath.

Swift said: "I was buzzing when I first knew that a Premier League club was watching me and that they wanted to take me on trial. I was quite excited and it showed that I was doing well.

"It was a big surprise, to know that a big club like that thought I was good enough to play for them.

"A few other clubs came in and wanted me to go on trial but I thought I'd go with Aston Villa for the six months. If nothing happens, I've lost nothing, but I really hope I get something at the end of it."

Maidstone's academy manager Jack Parkinson said: "I think Villa is the best deal for Ben. He's settled in there and he knows what it's all about. If he'd gone somewhere else, he'd have had to start all over again.

"It's fantastic for everyone involved with the club.

"Ben struggled a bit last year, he would beat himself up, but we've seen him come out of that and he's become a really good centre-half.

"He's a nice lad and he'd do anything for you, which is why we made him captain.

"He's so helpful and when you've got a lad like that, you want him to do well."

Villa charged by The FA after Spurs debacle

Both Aston Villa and Tottenham Hotspur have been charged by The FA following their game on Sunday 2 November 2014.

It is alleged that in or around the 66th minute of the game, the clubs failed to ensure their players conducted themselves in an orderly fashion. Big Chris Benteke was sent off following the incident.

Both clubs have until 6pm on 10 November 2014 to respond to the charge.

Match Preview: West Ham United v Aston Villa

Who are we playing?
West Ham United on Saturday 8th November at 3pm

Where are we playing?
Boleyn Ground, Green St, Upton Park, London, E13 9AZ

Can I go?
Last we heard, there were a few tickets left at £43 a pop

Easy to get to?
The nearest tube station is Upton Park, which is fine for getting there, but there tends to be massive queues after the game. Either have a couple of pints while the queue goes down or stroll to another tube station.

Can I watch it on telly?
Saturday 3 o'clocker so not on the box but dodgy web streams and pubs with overseas satellite systems are your best bet.



Big game?
Huge.

Villa finally managed a goal against a woeful Spurs side, but failed to capitalise or put the Londoners's shaky defence under any sort of sustained pressure as we got mugged as a result.

Six defeats in a row, three of them against poor quality opposition means that the alarm bells are ringing. It may be only November but the spectre of relegation is already looming large and Paul Lambert's charges seem to have little or no plan other than to catch the opposition napping on the break. Every team in the league is aware of this now and without a radical change of approach (which probably means a change of manager) Villa look doomed.

Big Sam

Big Sam has weathered the storm in terms of supporter dissatisfaction and steered West Ham to a top four position which they consolidated with a deserved win over Man City. The Premier League has a way of biting back though and Stoke City gave them a fright last time out.

Difficult to see Villa getting anything from this one. It could be a long winter. Paul Lambert is looking increasingly like a lame duck manager. Four years? It'll be amazing if he lasts another four weeks.

Bumped off by a Villa fan

Do West Ham have any famous fans?
Well there's Keira Knightly, Ray Winstone and Russell Brand

We've got Marc Baylis - the bloke that bumped off Tina in Corrie.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Big Chris is back on the missing list after getting himself sent off against Spurs and we are badly missing Fabian Delph. Gabby may make a swift return after being dropped while many of us are praying that Lambo will unleash the creativity and youthful enthusiasm of Jack Grealish but we're not holding our breath.

Who's playing for them?
Diafra Sakho is set to return after being forced to sit out the Hammers 2-2 draw at Stoke on Saturday after injuring his shoulder in the victory over reigning champions Manchester City. The Senegal international has hit six goals in his first six league starts.




Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• West Ham United have beaten us 39 times while we have 37 wins. There have been 30 draws

• Our last win at Upton Park was back in April 2011. Robbie keane put the Hammers ahead early doors, but Darren Bent grab an equalizer and Gabby Agbonlahor broke East London hearts with a late winner.

• Our first ever encounter with est Ham was an FA Cup second round tie in 1913 and we hammered them 5-0, Harold Halse netting twice

Prediction
Going for 3-0 win for the in form home team, sadly.

Match Report: Villa 1-2 Spurs as it was tweeted

Video: Villa U18s 1-2 Southampton U18s

Happy 50th Crossroads

http://www.macearchive.org/Archive/Title/atv-today-06051980-benny-at-villa-park/MediaEntry/32975.html

Movember 2014: expert tips for growing and styling your moustache

Jed Steer buggers off to Yeovil Town

Yeovil Town has signed Aston Villa keeper Jed Steer on loan until 31st. January 2015.

Jed has just completed a spell at Doncaster Rovers, during which time he became a fixture in the first team.

Jed is no stranger to Huish Park having made 14 appearances for The Glovers during a loan spell in 2011.

Jed started his career at Norwich City Academy when only nine years old but only made two first team appearances for the Canaries, both in the F.A.Cup.

Jed signed for Aston Villa in July 2013 and has so far made three appearances for Villa two in the Capital One Cup  and one in the F.A.Cup.

Jed has been capped by England at Under 16, Under 17 and Under 19 level.

Aleksandar Tonev handed seven game ban for racist abuse

Exiled Villa winger Aleksandar Tonev has been handed a seven game ban after he was found guilty of racially abusing Aberdeen defender Shay Logan.

The SFA confirmed that the Bulgarian winger was found guilty of breaching disciplinary Rule 202: ‘Excessive Misconduct by the use of offensive, insulting and abusive language of a racist nature’ during last month’s game between the Dons and Celtic.

Tonev, who has 16 caps for Bulgaria, is currently on loan at Celtic but questions are now being raised over whether or not he will feature again for Ronny Deila’s side.

A Celtic spokesperson said: "Racism has no place in football and as a Club for all people, Celtic absolutely abhors racism of any kind.

"This was a very unfortunate case, but the Club has accepted Aleksandar’s explanation that he did not say the words that were alleged to have been said and that he is not a racist.

"We are, therefore, very disappointed by the outcome today and can confirm that Aleksandar will be appealing this decision.”

Match Preview: Villa v Spurs

Who are we playing?

Tottenham Hotspur on Sunday 2nd November at 4pm-ish

Where are we playing?

Villa Park

Can I go?

After five defeats on the bounce without a single goal, tickets will not be hard to come by.

Easy to get to?

Should be an absolute doddle. 

Can I watch it on telly?

We are the feature game on Sky Sports Super Sunday. Yet bear in mind that if you choose to watch at home or in the pub, the players can't hear you telling them how shite they are.

Big game?

Huge.

Spurs have struggled with the Curse of the Europa League this term, culminating in a shock home defeat at the hands of Alan Pardew's poor Newcastle outfit. It must stick in Pochettino's craw that his old club Southampton are riding high after a lightning quick rebuild by Ronald Koeman.

Villa were exposed as completely impotent at Loftus Road, offering little or no creativity despite our West London opponents giving us possession at every available opportunity.

Tom Fox

Gabby and Weimann looked like passengers in that game and surely won't keep getting selected unless they offer a bit more. As for the defence, quite frankly if Jores Okore can't do a better job than Ciaran Clark, we should ship him back to Denmark.

Desperate times call for free thinking and we'd bring in enthusiastic puppy Jack Grealish, who would certainly give our opponents something to think about and maybe offer Big Chris Benteke more than a few crumbs to feed off.

Anything other than a win will certainly test the minerals of new Chief Exec Tom Fox. Were we to go six Premier League games without a goal, then Paul Lambert's position - four year contract or not - becomes untenable.

Typical Spurs fan - Rhona

Do Spurs have any famous fans? 

Well (we think) there's Lara Croft model and Strike Back actress Rhona Mitra, Chas and Dave out of Chas n Dave and "top" comedy impressionist Bobby Davro.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?

Really hard to say because we don't believe that anyone is guaranteed a starting berth any more. Even the normally reliable Brad Guzan has been playing like his palms have been buttered of late and Shay Given has been keeping his sharpness with appearances in the Under 21s. Jed Steer was back from Doncaster but has buggered off to Yeovil.

Clearly, losing Baker, Senderos and most recently Alan Hutton has not been beneficial to the back line and we're keeping our fingers crossed that they are back sooner rather than later, though it's not looking likely for this game.

It's no use, the bugger's indestructible

We've not really solved the thorny issue of what to do without Fabian Delph as yet but if Joe Cole can't force his way in the starting line up in these circumstances, he never will. 

Who's playing for them?

Pochettino may want to shuffle his pack after the Newcastle debacle with Harry Kane, Aaron Lennon and Roberto Soldado pushing for recalls.

He said, She said

Paul Lambert "We go again" (honest, he actually said that - AGAIN)

Any useless stats?

Of course, here you go:

Jasper McLuckie

• Spurs have beaten us 68 times while we have 55 wins. There have been 35 draws.

• Last time we beat Spurs at Villa Park, it was New years Day 2008. Olof Mellberg and Martin Laursen scored in a 2-1 victory.

• Our first ever encounter with Spurs was an FA Cup Quarter Final at White Hart Lane in 1903. We ran our 3-2 winners thanks to a brace from the gloriously monikered Jasper McLuckie and one from George Johnson.

• Tony Hateley knocked in 4 as we pulled off a 5-5 draw at Spurs in 1966 in a game we could have won.

Prediction

Going for a 1-0 Spurs win.

Match Report: QPR 2-0 Aston Villa as it was tweeted

Oxford United WFC 0 Aston Villa Ladies 2

Oxford United 0 Aston Villa 2

Match Preview: QPR v Aston Villa

Who are we playing?

QPR on Monday 27th October 

Where are we playing?
Loftus Road Stadium, South Africa Rd, London W12 7PJ

Can I go?
Last we heard, there were a few restricted view seats available at extortionate prices in one of the crappiest grounds in the Premier League.

Pub

Easy to get to?
Nearest tube is White City but if you fancy a bit of a pub crawl jump off at Shepherds Bush. If you prefer mooching round the shops to hurling ale down your neck then there's a mahoosive Westfield Shopping Centre.

Can I watch it on telly?

Sky Sports Monday Night Football no less. If you've not got a Sky Sports subscription and don't fancy watching it down the pub, you can get a day pass on NOW TV.

Big game?

Huge.

Like the deserts miss the rain..

Villa's half decent start seems like a distant memory now. While you can point at the quality at the opposition for some recent defeats, even Paul "I thought they were excellent" Lambert wasn't happy with the showing up at Goodison.

We badly missed Delph, Richardson looked far less effective having to backfill for him, Vlaar and Benteke looked shadows of their former selves and -quel surprise- Nathan Baker picked up an injury. Not sure what N'zogbia was supposed to be doing but he didn't seem to be doing it.

QPR have been pretty abysmal of late but the green shoots of recovery were evident in a match against Liverpool which they had ample opportunity to win.

The losing manager of this one will find themselves under intense pressure.

Spot the QPR fan

Do QPR have any famous fans?

We believe that Ade Edmondson - star of such comedy greats as Filthy Rich and Catflap, Holby City and Ade Wanders Around The Countryside chatting to eccentrics for ITV (or whatever it's called) is a Rangers fan.

David "Kid" Jensen used to be one but is rumoured to have buggered off to Crystal Palace, which is really bad form. Mind you, other 70s DJs have committed worse crimes.

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?

Hopefully Big Chris will get a bit more of the ball, even if he is manacled by Richard Dunne. Given that things didn't really work out midfield-wise up at Everton, we'd hope that Carlos Sanchez could be trusted to come in to the reckoning here.

We are hoping that Phil Senderos is fit enough to relieve Ciaran Clark, if only for the sake of our stomach ulcers. 

Hey Fatty Bum Bum

Who's playing for them?

Adel Taarabt and Redknapp had a public falling out this week when the QPR boss accused the Moroccan of being a bit of a porker.

Defender Nedum Onuoha might shake off a hamstring problem picked up in the Liverpool game while midfielders Joey Barton and Jordon Mutch may be fit enough for consideration. but Alejandro Faurlin (buggered up knee) is a long-term injury absentee.

Any useless stats?

Billy Walker

Of course, here you go:

• QPR have beaten us 22 times while we  have 18 wins. There have been 12 draws

• Our last win at Goodison was back in November 1991. A solitary Dwight Yorke goal settled the encounter.

• Our first ever encounter with QPR was in January 1920 in the FA Cup. We ran out 2-1 winners thanks to a brace from Billy Walker on his Villa debut.

Prediction

Being wildly optimistic here and hoping we can stay solid at the back and pinch it by the odd goal

Match Report: Everton 3-0 Aston Villa as it was tweeted...

Match Preview: Everton v Villa

Who are we playing?
Everton on Saturday 18th October at 3pm.

Where are we playing?
Goodison Park
Goodison Road,
Liverpool
Merseyside
L4 4EL

Can I go?
Not unless you've already bagged a ticket. Despite the uncomfy seats and lousy views afforded by the away section, we've flogged our allocation.

Easy to get to?

Lime Street

There are decent public transport links but our method of choice over the years has been train to Lime Street, drink in the city centre and then cab it to the ground. We've had some wild adventures attempting the journey home in the past too, so check your train home is actually running...

Can I watch it on telly?
A Saturday 3 o'clocker so it won't be on proper UK telly. Plenty of dodgy web streams and pubs with foreign dishes are available if you wanna watch on the box.

Big game?
Huge.

Everton are yet to pull up any trees this season, seemingly falling victim to the curse of the Europa League (where they've been putting out strong sides) and will be keen to get their league season going with the three points here.

Villa face this on the back of three straight defeats and will need to get something here to regain the momentum of the early fixtures.

We have looked largely sterile going forward but the re-emergence of Christian Benteke must give us hope of a more goal strewn run and encouraging cameos from young Jack Grealish will also put pressure on Gabby and Weimann if that pair to remain in the starting line-up.

Villa's much improved back line is under threat from injuries, which will give Everton hope.

The ginger one out of Girls Aloud

Do Everton have any famous fans?
Well, there's Lee from Steps, Sly Stallone off of the Rambo films, ear splitting 80's pop poppet Sonia and the ginger one out of Girls Aloud

We've got fiddle playing scruffbox Nigel Kennedy.

So we win.

Senderos out injured

Who's playing for us?
Looks like international duty has done us out of the services of the surprisingly reliable Phil Senderos and gawd knows whether Ron Vlaar is ready for a full ninety having been on the missing list for weeks with his dodgy calf.

With Jores Okore seemingly sliding down the pecking order, there must be the distinct and horrifying possibility that Lambert will risk pairing Baker and Clark again, despite some nightmare performances from the partnership last term. That said, Baker has looked much improved in his outings this term, so fingers crossed that it won't be the car crash that some of us are expecting.

We'd love Big Chris to start but only if he's ready.

Who's playing for them?
They've lost John Stones for months with ankle damage while this one may well have come around too quickly for the recovering Ross Barkley.


Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:

• Everton have beaten us 79 times while we also have 79 wins. There have been 58 draws.

Dennis

• Our last win at Goodison was back in December 2008. Two goals from Ashley Young and one from Steve Sidwell saw us squeak through 3-2 despite a brace from Joleon Lescott.

• We last beat Everton at Villa Park in August 2010, winning by a single goal from Luke Young

• Our first ever league meeting was in September 1888. Dennis Hodgetts scored both of our goals in a 2-1 triumph.

Prediction

Being wildly optimistic here and hoping we can stay solid at the back and pinch it by the odd goal