Sunday 27 April 2014

Match Preview: Aston Villa v Hull City

Who are we playing?
Hull City

Where are we playing?
Villa Park, 3pm Saturday

Can I go?
You can go, but be prepared for a toxic atmosphere.

Can I watch it live on the telly?
Not legally in the UK no, however there are plenty of pubs with dodgy dishes and dubious web streams if you've not got a ticket but are desperate to watch as it happens but don't want the players to hear your boos.

Famous Hull fans Omar and Tom
Big game?
MASSIVE.

Shane Long did us a massive favour by nabbing a late equaliser for Hull away at Fulham. He won't be looking to do us any favours this time though.

On current form, we can't remember a worse time. Just a single point out of a possible eighteen in the last six and to be perfectly honest, we were lucky to get that. This had already been the worst ever season in Villa Park's history before that disastrous run.

We go into this game devoid of hope and merely praying that other teams slip up to save our Premier League status. Lose this one and people will stop asking for Paul Lambert to be sacked and demand a public stoning.
We've seen a few right tits at Villa Park this season

Do Hull City have any famous fans?
Well, there's Omar Sharif, who was apparently introduced to the delights of The Tigers by Tom Courtney while making the epic film Doctor Zhivago.

There's also Simon Cowell hanger-on and erstwhile pop princess Sinitta, though she also follows Chelsea, but apparently eighties popstars are allowed to have two teams.

We've got Vassos Alexander off the Chris Evans Breakfast Show. He was "wavering" but the club's lovely PR department have bribed him with a free shirt and we've still got him.

So we win.

Who's playing for us?
Surely our gormless apology of a manager can't keep starting the formless Andi Weimann. With Albrighton capable of carpet bombing the area with crosses, don't groan but we'd start Grant Holt. He can always be hauled off after an hour if his batteries run out.

Gabby still looks out of sorts but the fact that he nabbed a goal in Wales will probably secure his spot. Fabian Delph looks like he's already on his holidays, such was his lack of contribution at the Liberty. We'd be tempted to drop him to the bench as a kick up the backside.

Paul Lambert can't fault the effort of the players. We reckon they got his prescription wrong when he picked up his new glasses. Should have gone to Specsavers.


Who's playing for them?
Deadly loan duo Jelavic and Long were back on song at Craven Cottage and will likely terrorise our disorganised back line. Curtis Davies has developed into a decent defender since his Villa Park days, certainly miles better than anyone we've got.

Tom Huddlestone can be brilliant one week and dire the next. With an FA Cup Final just two weeks away, Hull players will be keen to avoid injury, so a few clattering tackles should get them on the back foot. We need to go in hard and ugly.


Any useless stats?
Of course, here you go:
  • We have 16 wins over Hull while they've managed to beat us on only 5 occasions. There have been 7 draws.
  • Hull City have only ever managed one win over us at Villa Park. That shock win came on 18th November 1967. Brian Greenhalgh nabbed two for Villa but we still went down 2-3.
  • Villa's biggest win over Hull was a 6-0 thumping on a Wednesday night in August 1974. Sammy Morgan got a hat trick. Sammy's goals caused Villa to part with £10,000 to Port Vale as the transfer deal called this once he reached ten goals.
  • Hull City last beat Aston Villa at the old Boothferry Park ground on 29th August 1987. The score was 2-1, Warren Aspinall getting Villa's goal from the penalty spot.
Steve Bruce
He said, She said...
“The frustrating thing is we’ve beaten some of the good sides, most recently Chelsea, but we’ve lost against some of the teams near the bottom of the league" David Cameron

"If we finish where we are or a place higher, it pays for a Jelavic or a Long. We're in 13th, and we budgeted to finish 20th. It is about a million quid a place so all of those things are huge to a club like ours." Steve Bruce


Prediction
If Paul Lambert is still in place by the time we kick off on Saturday, there will be precious little goodwill inside Villa Park. This is the last chance for the majority of the support to get behind the team this season but the last chance to demonstrate displeasure too. Hull City can now play without fear, our lot will be bloody petrified. Predicting a Hull City win and the worst day at Villa Park since losing to Sheffield Wednesday 1-2 on 4th May 1987.

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