Goodness Gracious Me: The Wild Rumours of The Week

As the season drew to a close last week, very few people were talking about our actual match. Everyone was talking about how brilliant Villa's away support had been, with the Traffic Cone lads and Jesus taking most of the plaudits. The other topic of conversation was of course Randy's impeding statement.

Randy didn't keep us hanging about for long, while rumours - helped by Andy Gray on talkSPORT- circulated that we'd be hearing from Randy by 3pm on Monday, we got the actual statement, just after 10am.

Limbo

As hinted by those with contacts close to the club, it was a statement destined to disappoint. Randy WAS selling the club "if possible" but there was no billionaire benefactor with more money than sense waiting to be unveiled from behind a velvet curtain.

The immediate impact of this statement was the grim realisation that it plunges an Aston Villa badly in need of swift change into a state of summer limbo. There'd be no big shift of playing staff or indeed of coaching staff until matters were resolved.  It also left Paul Lambert in the impossible  position of not knowing whether he'd be in charge next season but trying to prepare for it with presumably no budget.

Meanwhile Google must have been scratching their heads as to why there had been a sudden rush of searches of "Shunammite". Then the rumours started...

1.  The Done Deal - "Back into bed Mister Ellis"
Phil Williams from BBC Five Live sparked interest by claiming he'd interviewed Villa's President Emeritus, Doug Ellis who said that a deal was done. Well Doug did sort of say that in the interview, but also that he didn't know what was happening. Sort of. We're not sure that aging Herbert knew what day it was but hey judge for yourself:

listen to ‘Doug Ellis speaks’ on Audioboo

2.  Stool Pigeon - The Louis Walsh/Westlife deal
The following night in the "Doug Ellis slot", Phil spoke to King of the Jungle (or did Joey Essex win we weren't paying attention) Kian Egan. We fearlessly asked the BBC man if the stool-using Irish warbler knew anything...

@villamadtweets he is tabling a bid with Louis Walsh.. Keep that to yourself.
— Phil Williams (@PhilWilliams) May 13, 2014

3.  Larry's been on the radio
Larry Ellison - a man we KNOW is pursuing co-ownership of the LA Clippers with his super-rich buddies - continues to be linked with a Villa purchase and it MUST be true because it has not only been apparently carried by sports radio stations in the USofA, but on stations from Tokyo to Tower FM in Bolton.

Let's brush aside that report that he's never even heard of of us and when questioned said "Ashton who?". He's incredibly old - despite the age of that Ukrainian bit-of-stuff on his arm, so his hearing can't be that great can it?

4.  Fancy an Indian?

Just as social media was in the verge of working itself into a total frenzy regarding Indian ownership of the Villa, the source story vanished from the website of The Indian Express where it had briefly appeared.

Now, this could be because the website thought the story was nonsense or not true but since when have news websites EVER cared about that as long as the hits come rolling in? Could it be that it was vanished because the news organisation had got too near the truth about a CONFIDENTIAL negotiation?

The story centred on Indian Fast Food Giants Hari and Shyam Bhartia, whose Jubilant FoodWorks benefits from running Dominos and Dunkin Donuts franchises.

The story's disappearance almost as fast as it had arrived meant that the panic over Venkys Mk2 pretty much subsided before it had began.

The rumours that TATA might be keeping tabs on the situation haven't really taken off. Some say the JLR takeover by an Indian giant unscared of diversification has been a good thing. Some of us are still sulking that they flattened our beloved Showcase Cinema to add more parking spaces.

5.  Collymore's Door
Stan Collymore randomly tweeted a picture of the Villa manager's door, sparking speculation that Paul Lambert was toast. The point was that sign on the entrance merely said "Manager" instead of bearing the legend "Paul Lambert" but apparently it always did (he's never invited us for a chat, can't think why...).

The version Collymore tweeted didn't include the "Vacant sign" seen here. We added that more in hope than expectation.

6.  Come Fly With Me
Those clutching at straws that a deal was done to sell the club and that there's only the odd "i" to dot and "t" to cross seem to have convinced themselves that Paul Lambert and Paul Faulkner were off to meet the new owners.

Clearly, an end of season meeting between the owner, his chief executive and the manager wouldn't be unexpected in any circumstance. With Randy's announcement pretty much tying their hands together and giving then little wriggle room in the summer, there was much to discuss.

Our assumption is Paul Faulkner will be asked  to keep things ticking over till the new people come on board and pay him off. We really can't imagine what Randy expects Lambert to do in these circumstances so we've spent all week expecting a "mutual consent" announcement, to the extent that we've even been monitoring the news agencies from the pub...

7.  Restaurantgate

The Meeting House Restaurant in Amagansett was closed for business on Friday for a private function.

Naturally this led to the 2+2=5 brigade convincing themselves that a deal to sell Villa would be brokered here.

We'd imagine many a multi-million sports deal has been concluded in a restaurant renowned for it's turkey cheeseburgers but on this occasion it seems the establishment in Randy's neck of the woods was booked for a wedding party. We've no idea if Villa's army of New York supporters had the place staked out to see if the bride was actually a billionaire investor disguised in a wedding dress, but I'm sure we'll find out shortly.